Wedding Planner in love?
by just-an-artist-pl
Summary: Kurt Hummel, wedding planer, fell in love, with his best friends fiance.
1. Prologue

Inspired by this: Here and by the movie: My best friends wedding. It's almost 2am I am pretty tired but I needed to write this down. Wished english was my first language. And thanks to my beloved friend Elizabeth for re-reading! Love you!

* * *

The big city traffic was horrible that day and I knew I wouldn't be there on time. Me, wedding planer Kurt Hummel, would be late on the day when I was suppose to meet the fiance of my friend Rachel Berry. I wasn't angry about me because my friend was waiting, no, her family was pretty famous and rich like the family of her fiance. The Berry's a very well known fashion designer and since Rachel and I were pretty close friends I literally used this connection for my clients. Their wedding dresses were always the prettiest and also their suits, like everything they designed. Sure, for me personally was it something good too because I didn't have to worry about new good looking suits or shirt's, ties, bow ties, everything. I loved to look good and I had to look good as a wedding planer. How I looked like when I was alone in my apartment didn't matter. What mattered now was that Rachel sent me a text almost every 5 minutes and I couldn't answer. It was a hot late summer day, my body was already sweaty and I punched with my palm against the car horn.

Fuck, I was already fifteen minutes late. They would fire me, I thought for one second but I knew they wouldn't. First, I've been never late and second, we already had planed Rachel's wedding dress, the guest list and where the wedding should happen. Rachel and her dads were been very pleased with my ideas and Rachel knew I was good at what I did. Probably the best. Finally, the cars started to move and I saw the restaurant where we wanted to meet and have dinner with her dad's, her fiance and his parents. I parked next to the pavement, jumped out of the car, grabbed my jacket and saw Rachel standing on the chairs, waving and smiling.

"I'm sorry, Rachel!"

"No time to talk!"

She grabbed my hand and we went quickly inside the . She wore a red dress, her brown hair open, while I was wearing a dark gray suit, a white shirt and tie and hair perfectly styled. Good, this was good, everything was fine I told myself and calmed slowly down. It wasn't the first time I had to plan a wedding with famous people. But this was my friend Rachel Berry, and I knew her since high school. Now we were 25 and she was engaged. Well, it all happened pretty fast because the other family was famous too and also had their own fashion label.

"What was their name again?"

"Anderson. His name is Blaine Anderson and his parents are Jane and Eric Anderson," I nodded, repeating their name inside of my head as we walked through the corridor into the big, luxurious restaurant.

The chairs and tables were white, the walls too and the ground dark wooden. I saw Rachel's dad's smiling at me and then the Andersons. Jane was a pretty woman, tiny, dark brown long hair and blue eyes. Eric had black hair, was tall, stunning and had hazel eyes. I've never seen such pretty people but at the same time something was strange. What it was I couldn't tell but I my stomach felt sick. Maybe I was just nervous because of the Anderson's. A deep breath and I nodded at Rachel as we came closer and Rachel introduced myself.

"Mr. and Mrs. Anderson. This is my friend and our wedding planer Kurt Hummel."

I shook their hands and smiled, wondering where Rachel's fiance was. I've never met him or saw a picture because this all happened so fast. It was three months ago when she told me about Blaine and their wedding and how much she loved him. Three fucking months? I couldn't believe her but she was just too happy and her world was all pink and unicorns that I said nothing and waited that she would come back to earth. But she didn't and although she said nothing I knew why this wedding happened. I mean, those people were famous designers, they had their own famous fashion label and with a wedding they could make one, big, successful, new label. I was just a wedding planer, happy about my work and well known. Yeah, my life was pretty good so I said nothing about this because it was out of my business. I just asked Rachel once if she was really happy and she said yes, always. And as long as she was happy I would keep my mouth shut. A fight with those two big labels was the last thing I needed and wanted.

"We've heard about you. I loved the wedding you organized for Collins," Mrs. Anderson smiled and seemed to be smitten.

"Thank you."

"Where is Blaine?" Rachel asked and looked around and then even I recognized someone was missing. This mysterious Blaine Anderson I've only heard stories about. I wondered if he would be as pretty as his parents were but I guessed he was, well, Rachel always told me about how handsome and stunning he was. "Sit down sweetie, he'll be here soon. The traffic is horrible at this hour."

"Oh yes, I can tell," I sighed and we sat down, keeping a free chair between me and Rachel. Her dads and the Andersons talked about their fashion labels or more, what they could to together after the wedding. I heard something about wedding dresses and yes, I knew that they wanted to make a new line with wedding dresses because it was the perfect time. Rachel would wear those dresses, photographers would shoot some pictures, then they would design the suits for the men and the dresses for the bridesmaid and I would be the one, helping that everything went straight. No chaos, no mistakes. Working for famous people was always and would always be very stressful. There were nights I didn't sleep at all and days when the bride totally freaked out about a wrong color, or the wrong food or the wrong flowers. But I also had those non famous clients and it was a blessing for my soul. They were just 'normal', understanding and wanted to have a nice, beautiful small wedding. I loved those kind of weddings but I also liked those big weddings because they were ever a challenge for me to become better and better. And yeah, the payment I got was also a point why I liked them. No, I didn't want to be rich. I just wanted to have enough money so I didn't have to think about work and just settle down for a while and travel through the world, buy a nice house at the ocean and just live my life and do the things I couldn't do because of my work. Not forever, but for two or three years maybe. And beside this, I wanted to keep some money for my own wedding. Well I hadn't found the right man but...

"I'm sorry! Traffic!" Rachel and her dads turned around on their chairs as a young man ran to our direction.

"Blaine, finally," I heard Mr. Anderson and looked for Blaine but I couldn't see him because Rachel's head was in my way.

"Blaine, you know Kurt is busy," Rachel complained and Blaine came closer, kissed her cheek and apologized.

"The famous Kurt Hummel, finally I can meet you."

I stood up, mouth slightly open, my eyes stuck on Blaine's face and my heart pounding like crazy. There I was, Kurt Hummel, 25 years old, gay, falling in love at first sight. Falling in love with Blaine Anderson. Falling in love with my friend's fiance. My life that had been so good, so organized and calm turned into pure chaos, into a hurricane of emotions and disbelief.

"Yeah... finally," I swallowed the get rid off the lump in my throat and tried to smile.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1.

The whole way back to my agency was like a trip with a roller coaster, well inside my head it felt like that. I cursed the NYC traffic, I cursed my life, my heart, everything. I felt like a teenager who fell in love within some seconds with the difference that I already had some love expierence and was no teenager anymore. For fucks sake, I was 25, I took my work serious, I was a professional but this Blaine Anderson crashed my world and I knew, I just knew it, it wouldn't be easy to forget him. He had everything I wanted and maybe it was crazy to say that (because I only met him for two hours) but he had it. He was beautiful, smart, charming, his ridiculous big golden eyes were intoxicating, his tan skin perfect smooth, his whole body was just... I groaned as I stood and waited for the green light.

This was horrible, stupid and not right. Not at all. Rachel was one of my best friends, one of my friends I knew for years and the one with very rich and famous parents. Me organizing her wedding and at the same time the wedding of the family Anderson (which were also rich and famous) meant for me get a name in this town. Sure I wasn't an unknown wedding planner but this would be just another step further, the final step. Then I could lean back slowly, give my office to Mercedes or Santana (who were working with me) and finally, finally find the time for me. I could use the money to finally travel around the world, meet more people, find the house at the ocean and maybe even find the Mr. Right for me. Well... this point was already crossed off my list.

_No! No, no, no! _

The light jumped from red to green and as I drove along I heard the song out of the radio.

_Heaven... I'm in heaven,  
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak.  
And I seem to find the happiness I seek,  
When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek. _

"Shut up!" I shouted at my radio (my radio!) and smacked it so it went out.

_Fuck Everything!_

* * *

I must be insane, I thought. Who shouted at a radio? Who had a discussion with his radio? And who on earth stormed inside his agency where all his workers smiled at him, happy, greeting their boss and I just glared at them. I hated to dark purple walls, the white chairs, desks and before I said anything stupid I walked through the corridor straight to my office.

I loosened my tie, sighed in frustration and tried to forget this stupid smile Blaine had on his face, while all where praising him and Rachel and eating their chocolate cake. For the first time in my life I really didn't want to do this job. I wanted to go home, hide myself under my sheets and watch all the episodes of Desperate Housewife's and this for 3 months until this stupid wedding was over. Someone else would do it, there were enough wedding planners, but no, I had the great luck that I was Rachel's friend, that she told her parents and Blaine's that I was the best for this job. Yeah, my luck turned into something I didn't know how to name. Bad luck? My own ruin? And then there was my sanity, telling me, you need this job, you are one step away from your goal. Groaning I sank down on my couch and stared through my apartment as if I tried to find something new. But no it looked like always. My desk in the middle of the room, on the right side my office cupboard, walls white. Yeah nothing new.

I stood up, sat down in front of my desk and checked my post. The usual stuff I thought, nothing special until I saw the cover of the magazine I used to get. I choked as I saw Blaine and Rachel on the cover and the announcement of their wedding. And there it was again, his stupid smile, his stupid big eyes, his stupid beautiful face and how ridiculous happy he looked next to Rachel. I grabbed the magazine, groaned and threw it through my room so it hit the door, which went open and Mercedes squeaked. I didn't care, I just leaned back into my chair and crossed my arms before my chest.

"What the hell?" she said as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her, wearing a black skirt, yellow blouse and dark vest. My lips were closed and my eyes focused on my desk.

"Well... you spit it out or I tell everybody that we should take a break until you calm down."

she knew that I could be really bitchy if I had a bad day and that no one should be close to me. Those days didn't happen many times because I loved my crew and I loved my job and we usually came along. But today was different and I knew it would be like this for the next three months or I would just quit it and wait for another big opportunity. Whenever I would get this chance again.

"Didn't you meet Rachel and her fiance?" she asked as I still said nothing and picked up the magazine from the ground.

"I did."

She stared at the cover and looked up at me again, stepped closer and put the magazine down on my desk again. Without wanting it my eyes moved back to the cover, studying the god damn beautiful face and I sighed, which was a mistake.

"No," Mercedes breathed.

"What?"

"No! I know that look! No, Kurt!"

She placed her hands on the desk, leaned forward and stared right into my eyes, seeing what I couldn't say, what I didn't want to say out loud.

"Kurt, first he is straight, okay? And you need this job."

"Did I say anything?" I tried to deny it but Mercedes knew me too well. Far too well for my own good.

"You don't need to say anything. I see it and Santana will see it too."

I rather took a lesson and some sanity from Mercedes instead of Santana. She was far too honest, far too harsh, it was a good attitude for this job, but not for myself. Not now. Maybe I just had a crush, maybe it was really just a stupid crush and next week it would be all over. I mean, he was straight, he was engaged, with my friend Rachel and he was the son of a famous fashion line, famous... but I kind of knew this wasn't just a stupid crush. This was something serious and it scared the hell out of me and frustrated me.

I leaned forward, elbows on the desk and my hands grabbing my hair while I groaned.

"I don't know what to do. I can't do this job. He is just perfect."

"But he is straight, Kurt and you need this job."

"I know that Mercedes. I know that and I know I should act professional but I don't know if I can."

She sighed, moved around and took my face into her hands and forced me to look right into her eyes.

"Listen, Kurt Hummel. Listen closely. You'll do this job, you'll do it better than any job you ever did and after three months you won't see them ever again, not accidentally just on birthdays or something. Don't you remember all the crushes you had on straight guys? How did it end?"

"Me being a mess," I said as she pulled away.

"And do you remember all the relationships you had and the one night stands?"

"Yes."

"And that you never wanted something halfhearted again?"

"Fine, got it."

Mercedes was right. After the 3 months I would have enough money to take a break for at least 2 years and leave this country, travel around and then come back, find a nice place to live and maybe, while I do all this I find the right guy for me. Yeah, that was a good plan, I tried to convince me. She smiled but then I saw the pity in her eyes and I raised one eyebrow. What now? I said I would focus on my work, I wouldn't let my feelings decide and do this rationally.

"You know I have to tell Santana. I mean about your crush? Just to make sure you won't do something stupid."

I groaned again and nodded. Yeah, probably it was for the better if she knew and had an eye on me.

* * *

* * *

_I was never ever so pissed in my life_.

"Oh it looks beautiful!" Rachel squeaked like a little girl.

"It looks even more beautiful when you'll wear it," Blaine kissed her forehead when we stood inside of 'The Bridal Garden'.

_I was never ever so pissed in my life, really. _

They both walked around the dress, totally blown away by the white smooth fabric, the beautiful decollete, with a flower pattern... I didn't care about anything else because I knew she would decide the wedding dress and not me. I only cared about one thing, the stunning guy next to her. He was wearing a suit, like me, hair slicked back, skin flawless, tan and I almost lost myself while I watched him moving, saw how pleased with himself he was and it made me sick.

_Stop being so perfect!_

"What do you think Kurt?" I almost jumped up because I was still dreaming about how Blaine would look like without these clothes. I was sure he would be totally gorgeous, nice arms, nice legs, maybe chest hair?

"I think it's beautiful."

"So do I!"

It was decided, Rachel had her wedding dress and I said nothing about that we worked against my plan. First I wanted to look for the perfect location and if it even was possible or good to celebrate their wedding wherever it should happen. Then we would think about the decoration and food and at the end we would decide what clothes the bride and bridegroom should wear. The thing was, this wedding should be unforgettable, magical and planned in 3 months. This was not enough time for me but they were in a hurry because of this damn fashion show they had in autumn (I think it was October). They were crazy, really. It was July, summer and like there was such a thing like summer vacation and hot sun and... everything just pissed me off. But I wore my poker face and thought about one thing, September the 19th it will be over. They would go on their honeymoon and I would travel to London and start my Europe trip.

As we were on our way outside they both wanted to eat dinner with me and, because it was part of my job I agreed. Sure if I said no it wouldn't change anything between me and Rachel, but Blaine didn't know me and so did his parents. They needed to see that I took my job serious, that I was a professional and even if it almost hurt me to watch them being so oh-my-good-I-love-you-so-much-you-are-so-beautiful-no-your-are-oh-can-we-have-this-whatever-you-want-dear I had to deal with it. Blaine drove us through the town to a restaurant and I didn't pay much attention to anything. All I was thinking about was my meeting with Santana later and my bed and I needed my bed more than anything tonight. Not because I was tired just because I realized, more and more that this really was no stupid crush. It was something serious and I could feel it but my mind kept on saying, you'll see it's just a crush. And I hoped that, I really did.

After a while we sat inside the expensive restaurant, ordered our meals and after an hour (God it felt like eternity they were even feeding each other and I wanted to throw something between them) as I couldn't stand it anymore.

"So you wanted to tell me something?" I asked Rachel and gave Blaine a last sweet smile and turned to look at me.

"Yes. Well I have to leave, next week, for four weeks, because of a fashion show in Europe, and I've already told Blaine what I want, where I want to marry and everything. He'll show you everything."

"Wait, Rachel. You can't just leave at let me and Blaine decide everything. Just think about it, what if you don't like the place, or the decoration, the colors I can't just change everything within two months I..."

She cut me off.

"I trust Blaine and we already talked about everything. It will be fine, really."

I said nothing, I just sighed, nodded and leaned back knowing I couldn't change her mind. I knew what Rachel liked, I knew how her wedding should look like, that wasn't the point. I just made excuses. Excuses not to be alone with Blaine for 4 weeks.

* * *

"I believe Kurt will do a great job so you'll be happy," Blaine said and looked at me with a sweet smile.

* * *

This was kind of odd for me. I knew Rachel was busy and she took her job as serious as I did. But this was her wedding and she just left for 4 weeks and let me and Blaine plan and decide everything. I remembered as I walked back home (where Santana was waiting for me because she couldn't make it to the agency) how Rachel used to talk about her wedding. It should be magical, dreamy, like in all those Hollywood movies. Something memorable, something she would always love to look back at. So it was completely out of character for me, that she just didn't really care about anything. Or maybe I tried to tell this to myself, because it could mean so much like, she didn't really loved Blaine. Or Blaine her, or whatever. Yeah I probably tried to find some excuses to get closer to him, although he was straight. What a great life I have.

Finally I reached my building, opened the front door and took the elevator to the top floor. As the elevator opened and I stepped outside I already saw Santana waiting before my door, clearly not amused.

"Mercedes told me everything and I hope you made up your mind," she snapped at me.

"Calm down," I snapped back and opened the door.

Different from my workplace my apartment wasn't purple. It was brown and white and one big room (only the bathroom had a door). On the left side was my kitchen, the right side my living room and in the left corner was ma ridiculous big bed. For me alone it was far too big. Like in the past I sometimes took someone with me, an one-night-stand but those times were over because I wanted to focus on me, my job, my little dream and then I wanted to find something serious.

_Well, thanks Blaine Anderson._

"So," Santana said and let herself fall down on my dark green couch while I turned the coffee machine on: "Before we start to talk about your stupid crush, which frankly could ruin your dream, tell me your plan. Three months isn't that much time for such a big glamorous wedding."

"Well, plans have changed a bit. Rachel won't be here for a month and I need to work alone with Blaine."

"Wait," Santana's face said 'are you fucking kidding me': "It's her wedding. I remember how Berry always cried until our ears hurt about her perfect wedding, her perfect dress."

I shrugged and said nothing because this already crossed my mind, but I told myself that it was just me who thought so. Apparently I was wrong. Santana watched me, like a cat watching a mouse and crossed her arms before her chest.

"She told me, that she and Blaine already talked about everything and I should decide what would be the best place, or decoration and so on."

Her eyebrows moved closer and I gave her a mug with coffee as I sat down, next to her and took a sip. Gosh, this was a really good coffee but her eyes, literally trying to read my thoughts made me uncomfortable.

"But she has her dress."

"Kurt, listen," she put her mug on the coffee table and sighed, slid her black hair back and looked at me with intense.

"I know we'll create a great wedding, the wedding their parents want and Rachel and Blaine. Not matter if we only have a week to do it or three months. But only if you don't let yourself fall for this guy."

"I am not!" I protested but she looked at me again like I wasn't serious, like she knew it better. And she did know it better.

"Okay... maybe. But he is just everything I wanted. I thought it would change, stop, I really hoped it would after today."

"He is straight, Kurt. You've been through this so many times and I don't have to remind you, how often we dragged you out of your bed because you were a mess about some stupid boys."

When it came to love I was one of those human beings that had no luck at all. Countless crushes that faded after some days, three relationships and then I had one-night-stands because I loved sex and also because it was nice, from time to time to have someone next to you during the night. It was fun at the beginning and sometimes I thought it could become something serious until they said, no thank you and I was left alone, again. But all those sleepless nights, the work and watching my friends fall in love and get married really hit me hard. This all happened within three years, while I opened my own agency, wanted to become the best wedding planner and it was exhausting. A year ago I stopped and now I was there, had my big job, my golden ticket to the world.

"I know that Santana. But the last time you had to drag me out of my bed was a year ago."

"Yeah, because we insert some sanity in your head. You were totally out of control."

"I know that!" I snapped and stood up: "But you see. I still have some one-night-stands and do a fabulous job at the same time. I changed, okay? It's just, I think there is something strange going on."

"Obviously. Berry would never not be here when it's about her wedding."

"See? That's what I thought too."

Santana leaned forward, studied my face and placed her hand over her own: "And this guys?"

I bit my lower lip and looked away from her. Despite I had a terrible crush on Blaine there was something too that just didn't fit.

"I don't know, I have a crush I'm the wrong person to tell you the truth about him. Because all I see is just what I want. It's all just... weird, you know?"

We were silent for a while and I needed to order my dizzy mind. I felt like an idiot, still. This was me, searching for something that would make this crush not hopeless, not stupid. I don't know what I was looking for, but I wanted to find something.

"I tell you this. Their families are famous, have a lot of money and influence. I bet, Kurt, one call and you would lose everything you've been working so hard for."

Silent, my eyes staring at her while my head slowly went back to earth.

"I understand you and I get that Berry's behavior is totally weird. But, for whatever reason this is happening, this wedding and everything, we'll just do it, okay? Our job is just to create an awesome wedding. The rest is none of our business."

Nodding I said nothing, because she was right. Maybe we were wrong, maybe Rachel and Blaine were just really so much in love it seemed to be weird. But I needed the money...

...and Blaine was straight.

* * *

* * *

A week later Rachel was gone and gave Blaine my cellphone number, my e-mail and told him also where I lived, just in case.

Just in case?

I almost got a heart attack when he called me that morning, while I was still asleep to come to his parents fashion house and meet him there to check our schedule and start to look for the locations. Well the locations they'd chose and I only had to say if it would be good or not.

So I stood up, took a quick shower and made sure (and I felt very stupid) too look as good as possible. On my way to the fashion house I wrote Santana a message to meet me there, because she didn't meet Blaine yet and I thought it would be a good opportunity.

After an hour we arrived there and went inside the huge, black building, through the entrance hall which was silver and black and a woman was already waiting for us.

They had money, I thought, a lot of money. Everything was polished stone, very luxurious and I even looked down to make sure I would not leave any marks on the floor. We followed her downstairs, to the room where the artist, models and designers were. A huge room, with many tables, mirrors, sketches on the walls and clothes hanging on clothes rails.

"God, look at their dresses," Santana breathed and I just nodded but I was looking for Blaine. I just saw the workers, women and men all dressed very well and working on whatever their job was.

"So where is your sweetheart?"

"Santana!" I hissed and she just grinned and then I heard him. But what I heard wasn't the Blaine Anderson I knew.

"This is ugly and the colors don't match."

I went closer, behind the clothes rails and saw him, standing before two women. Obviously a model and a designer. The model wore a black dress with white stripes, on the left and right side, and for me it looked perfect, not too much, just elegant.

"But, Mr. Anderson last week you said it was..." the girl began but Blaine cut her off.

"Last week is not today. I want you to change that. No one would wear something like that."

The other workers turned around, ignoring the sad looking girl and the annoyed model as both went and Blaine turned around.

"Oh, Kurt!" And there was his sweet smile again and I heard Santana coughing. God forbid she shut her mouth.

"Hey Blaine. This is Santana my assistant."

"Nice to meet you," he took her hand and placed a kiss on the back of it.

"Likewise," I was relieved when I heard her saying this. It meant she wouldn't do anything stupid. At least not today.

"We can leave in a minute. I just need to make sure everything is as it should be. Maria!"

I took a step back, like Santana did and a women with blond hair came to us, watching Blaine really annoyed.

"I told you I want a purple hat and not green hat."

"And I told you purple doesn't fit to the dress. It looks stupid and since when are you qualified for telling us what we should do and what not."

Oh! Oh no, no, no, I thought and starred at Santana who just starred at Blaine and couldn't believe what we both saw. This wasn't the Blaine I knew and not the Blaine I told her about. This was some different Blaine, arguing like a diva about some clothes he had clearly no clue about. Although he was always dressed very well, here I saw nothing of his sense for fashion. Nothing.

"We wait up stairs."

I needed to get out of this room. I needed some minutes without seeing Blaine, angry, acting like he knew everything better.


	3. Shame

Chapter 2. Shame

Blaine Anderson, Blaine charming Anderson, Blaine lovely Anderson, Blaine being the biggest diva on this planet Anderson, I didn't know who he was. Really, what I saw that day was like I saw someone in the body of Blaine but not Blaine. It confused me far too much and I was glad that we checked our schedule and would meet on Saturday (which meant 4 days without dealing with him) to visit the places they've chosen for their wedding. I really tried to focus on the three places he messaged, I really tried to imagine if this was it what Rachel wanted, if it was good enough for them. But all I could think about was him.

"Kurt, for fucks sake, stop starring like you try to solve a math formula."

I grumbled something while we were sitting inside of Starbucks, sipping some Caramel Machiato – usually I drank something else but I needed something sweet – and went through the notes we had. Outside it was raining like crazy and the glass was covered by water drops.

"I told you, just forget it. Yeah, this dude is weird but still it's non of our business."

"I think he is hiding something."

"Of course you think that. You have a crush, you always see the good in people. But he is just weird. He is straight, he will marry Berry and his family is rich, powerful and your ticket to your dream."

I just nodded and pretended to read the notes for the fifth time. Maybe my crush made me think he was hiding something, maybe I was really blind and, for God's sake, he was Rachel's fiance. It was wrong what happened in my head. It was wrong all the way. But there was something, I knew it, I felt it. The way Blaine acted in his parents fashion house was not just strange, it was almost like he really hated what he was doing there. He had no sense for fashion, he didn't even care, all he did was call the workers out and making himself unpopular. Who did that on purpose? Because he was doing this on purpose.

"Hey!" she smacked my shoulder.

"Wha... what? Sorry, did you say something?"

Santana leaned back, annoyed look and folded her arms.

"Don't look at me like that. I know there is something and since I am a wedding planner and I do believe in my job and the meaning of a wedding, being married I can't ignore the fact, that this isn't happening because they want to."

"Even _if_, Kurt, don't let yourself into this. Be selfish for once. There are thousands of ridiculous, adorable look alike Blaine's."

This was senseless, because she was right. What was more important for me? My dream or running after something that would break my heart?

* * *

"Where is Santana?" Blaine asked me as I climbed into my car, while I parked before his parents fashion house.

"She is busy with the decoration. Since we only have less than 3 months to plan your wedding, we are in a hurry."

Blaine only nodded, wearing a dark gray suit, a red tie and looking handsome, hair slick and hot as always. _Stupid-breath-taking-Anderson_, I thought and pressed my lips together to swallow down the groan inside my throat.

"Anyway, I checked the places you mailed me. First off all, Gotham Hall no, Rachel wouldn't like that."

Blaine laughed: "Yeah she doesn't like Batman. I thought it would be great, I love superheros."

Oh God, be more adorable for a 25 year old.

"And 'The Lighthouse at Chelsea Piers' is far too big. You only have 100 guests so I think 'The Central Park Boathouse ' would be perfect. It's really one of the most beautiful and magical places to marry. I organized plenty of weddings there."

"If you say so," he said, almost bored and I nodded slowly.

( . )

It took us almost an hour because the traffic was horrible. The last time I walked through the Central Park was with my ex-boyfriend, when everything was fine and after we broke up I never found the time to come back here. Bless my memories weren't this good so I didn't feel uncomfortable being here.

We went through the entrance, inside the pretty house and I greeted the women who opened the door for us. We were standing in a hall, brown floor and walls, huge windows with white painted window frames and a perfect view on the lake. Luckily the weather was good today. Blaine walked past me, studying the round tables, the chairs, the huge lamps on the ceiling, just everything.

"What do you think?" I asked him while he pulled his hands inside his pants pocket.

"Rachel would love it."

"And you? I mean it's not only Rachel's wedding, it's also your wedding."

"I'm fine with whatever Rachel wants," and he smiled sweetly. This guy was really a walking mystery for me. The last time I saw him he was fighting with the designers and models, now he stood there, in the middle of the hall, looking around, looking gorgeous and smiling like prince charming. Everything just didn't fit at all. With Rachel he was far more enthusiastic about the wedding. Alone with me he almost didn't care and back then in the fashion house he changed into a diva. Or maybe he just had a bad day. I hoped he had a bad day and I hoped this was just my crush, making me see things that weren't there.

We went outside, walking along the porch, Blaine still studying everything and I leaned against the railing, watching the lake, the trees and enjoyed the sun. Santana was right, my dream was more important than this senseless crush I had. He was straight anyway.

"So you are married?" he asked me as he came back and stood next to me, still looking at the countless round tables and black chairs.

"Um, no."

"Really? Didn't find the right woman yet? I mean, as a wedding planner you meet a lot of woman, right?"

I smiled a little, tried not to laugh and shrugged: "Well that's true."

He had no idea that I was gay and I was kind of surprised about that. Maybe Rachel didn't say it because it didn't matter. Or maybe he was uncomfortable with gay men? Or Rachel never thought about it because she was always focused on herself. Probably that.

"To be honest, I'm not into women."

His head moved to my direction, furrowed his eyebrows and eyes big. We said nothing and I watched how the sun sunk into his eyes and made them look even more like honey, almost gold. Too beautiful, really, too beautiful and I wondered if my crush on him would ever stop when I saw this. This... everything, although his character was weird so far, everything else was just intoxicating.

"So you are gay," it was no question and I just nodded and he suddenly smiled, bright, honest and I raised one eyebrow.

"What?"

"Nothing. I have nothing against it. Anyway, would you like to marry here if you could?"

"Um... yeah, sure. I think it's perfect."

And he nodded, smiling wide and relieved? No... I just saw stuff that wasn't there. I wanted to see stuff that wasn't there and his beauty made me just blind. That was all, nothing more, just me being blind.

* * *

It was all done so far. The actual marriage would happen in a church and the reception in the boathouse. The next days I spent with Santana talking about the decoration, creating examples and then I would meet Blaine and show them to him. Rachel called me twice a day and told me what she wanted and it was always something else. First she wanted everything to be white, then white and black, then dark red and white and it made me crazy. So I created three examples, from which I had to chose the best and she would like them and yes, she agreed. The benefit of being her friend and the luxury of having her trust made it easy sometimes, although I knew she could turn into an insane women. I understood that, she wanted the wedding to be perfect, like everything she did she wants hundred percent. Still I had to struggle with my head because most of the time there was Blaine. His words, his voice, his face, everything. He took so much place in my head that I even imagined him one lonely night and felt disgusted with myself. Having wet dreams about your best friends fiance was not right and I wished I could just forget him. Santana was right but I needed to talk to someone else.

So I met Mercedes one evening in my apartment. She was working for me too and knew how to calm the brides down and make everything perfect and hide the mistakes. Santana was more the one who didn't accept mistakes and snapped, making the brides more nervous than they already were.

"So, Rachel's getting married," she beamed and I nodded as we sat together in my kitchen.

"Well, I guess."

"You guess?" she cocked an eyebrow and began to read my face. It was frustrating that she and Santana read me like an open book. I blamed it on the amount of time we spent together in the last years and became a good team.

"I always thought she would marry Finn, to be honest. I mean they were together for so long and then suddenly a break up?"

"Yeah, well, who knows what happened Finn nor Rachel want to talk about it. Why do you come up with this. Is Finn planning to bump the wedding?"

"Of course not. But I know he isn't happy about that, which doesn't mean that he'll do anything. I just thought about this whole Blaine and Rachel thing and isn't it strange that they get married, although they know each other how long? Some months?"

Mercedes gazed at me with a piercing look and then pursed her lips: "So that's what Santana meant."

"Santana?"

"She said you are kind of obsessed with finding something so you can stop this wedding because you have a crush on Rachel's cutie of a fiance."

I almost choked on my coffee as I heard her words and glared at her. I should have known it better, of course Santana would talk about it. Not because she wanted to make me angry or anything, only because she loved to talk about this stuff and made sure the others knew, what was going on with me.

"Is this a new hobby of yours? Gossiping about your boss?"

"Don't pull the 'I'm-your-boss' card, Kurt. We are friends and Santana has a point. Don't stick your nose into stuff that will cause you anything but trouble."

* * *

As I went to sleep and needed almost two hours to finally fall asleep I thought about what Santana and Mercedes told me, and yeah, they were right of course. Me, a humble wedding planner who loved his work and only wanted to plan this wedding, get the money and then, finally make on of my dreams come true. Going far away, seeing new places, meet new people, maybe even someone who I could marry one day. Well, the last point left a really bad taste in my mouth and old memories came up in my mind about my ex-fiance. It was ironic that I was so passionate about my job although my own wedding never happened and the whole being engaged thing turned into a total disaster. One reasons more why I couldn't fall asleep that easily. I didn't want to think about him or the time we were engaged, it was a bad time. The moment I felt how I slowly drift off to sleep I became calm, relaxed and then my phone was ringing and I growled into my pillow. Who the hell called me around 2:30a.m.?

I rolled to the left side of my bed, took my buzzing phone from the nightstand to the sound of... the fuck?

_Well shake it up baby now twist and shout  
come on come on come on baby now come on and work it on out  
well work it all out you know you look so good  
you know you got me going now just like you knew you would _

The Beatles? What happened to my Gaga ring tone? What the hell? Someone would pay for this and it would be Santana, I was sure about that. Rubbing my eyes I looked at the display and saw Blaine's name and another groan fell from my lips. Was the whole world kidding me since I met this guy? Did I just take bad luck into my life without knowing it and was even willing to take it all, if I had the chance? _Great, awesome, fuck everything. _

"Hello?" I mumbled as I picked up the call.

"_Bottom or top?"_

Suddenly I was fully awake and needed to recall his words in my mind while my body reacted, heat swirling in a place of my body it shouldn't happen. He was talking about decorations or whatever, but it was for sure about the wedding. Of course he was talking about that and everything else was my frustration because the last time I slept with someone was months ago.

"What are you talking about, Blaine?"

"_What do you think I'm talking about?"_ his voice was different, unsteady, like... he was drunk. Oh great...

"_Tell me, Kurt,"_ he breathed and holy shit, was he... no. No way in hell he was doing this: _"I bet you like both. Taking control over things. I bet you are flexible..."_

He was breathing, heavy, right into my ear and my heart pumped all the blood in my body right into my cock.

"You... you are drunk. You don't know what you are saying."

"_I would really like to know Kurt... ah..." _

He was moaning, he was _moaning_ right into my ear and I heard sheets moving, heard a groan and him mumbling something. Oh god... no, this was not good, this was bad, so bad and in my panic I just hung up and threw my phone away, hearing how it crashed against my wall and falling to the floor. My breath left and filled my lungs to fast, my heart pounded so fast it felt unhealthy and my body was burning because, damn, he sounded so horny, so good... his voice low, filled with lust and I couldn't get it out of my mind. I didn't understand what happened... what the fuck actually had happened?! Maybe this was a habit Blaine had when he was drunk? He for sure didn't know what he was doing and maybe he was just curious or worse, making fun of me? Groaning I buried my face into my pillow, feeling my hard cock screaming for attention and I gave in, slipping my hand under the waistband of my pajama bottoms and started to jerk off. This was bad, so, so bad...


	4. Tease

Chapter 3. Tease

The next day was horrible. I woke up to find my sheets damp, my pajama bottoms damp and feeling completely disgusting. Annoyed and not fully awake I reached out for my phone to check the time but my hand only found the wooden ground of my nightstand. Too fast I jerked my head from my pillow, seeing my phone wasn't there and turned to the other side to find my clock which showed me the time 8:43am.

_Shit! _I jumped out of my bed and looked around my room to find my phone one the ground, broken, which brought the memory back why it was _there_ and not where it supposed to be. His voice, his moan, everything that happened before I fell asleep came back and again my cock and mind weren't working together. Shame, deep shame crawled through my body, making me feel even more disgust and all I wanted to do was to hide or run away, to just pack my stuff, forget everything and everyone. Actually it wasn't my fault that he called me, that he asked me this stuff, that he was – I mean it couldn't be any other way – jerking off while talking to me. And I did the same. I was aroused by his voice, by the sounds he made and by the idea that he was doing this, touching himself while thinking about me and I felt so much shame that I wished I could just forget what happened. I may had a crush but he was still Rachel's fiance, he would marry her and be with her and what was he doing? What was Blaine doing? What the fuck was going on anyway!?

A deep, annoyed sigh fell from my lips as I stood up and picked my phone from the floor. Well, shit it was really broken.

I took a quick shower, jumped into sweatpants, a simple shirt, grabbed my bag and left my apartment. There was no time for breakfast, no time for styling my hair or anything else that was part of my morning routine because I was running late. Santana was freaking out and trying to call me, Mercedes was worried and Finn would just sit there and try to calm them down. I literally saw it in my mind while I climbed into my car, started the engine and drove down the street, already seeing the usual New York city traffic.

* * *

"Where have you been!? What the hell happened to you?" Santana snapped at me, her eyes judging my outfit while Mercedes had her mouth open, not believing what she was seeing and Finn's eyes where wide, sliding from my face, down my clothes and up again.

"Shut up, Santana I'm already annoyed enough and have no time for your big mouth."

"Whoa, look he's being bossy," she said with fake surprise in her voice.

I closed the door to my office, walked pass them and left my bag on my desk, walking to my closet and pulling out a dark suit. It was a good idea when I bought this building to have my own bathroom and closet here, just in case. My agency was closer to the heart of the city than my apartment so I could safe a lot of time between all my driving from job to job and meeting to meeting.

"So, what happened Kurt? The last time you begin to be late for work your life turned into a disaster."

"What do you think? He got laid. I bet he got laid, which is good because if I hear one more time about how this Berry-Anderson thing is something fishy I'll want more money for my work. I feel like a therapist."

Mercedes rolled her eyes, Finn sat next to her clearly uncomfortable with the situation and Santana was smirking.

"I have to be right, because Hummel didn't even turned on his phone."

"I broke it," I said before she could say anything else about her crazy theories about my private life.

"Hot," she smiled with raised eyebrows.

"No, I threw it against my wall and broke it."

Saying this they all turned quiet, eyes quizzically and I minded my own business, walked into my bathroom to change my clothes and style my hair. As I came back they still were sitting there in silence, watching me and waiting for an explanation. Well I wouldn't tell them – especially not with Finn around – what happened. Fixing my tie I walked to my desk, opened the drawer and took my other phone out to put the sim card inside. It wasn't the first time that my phone broke but it was the first time that I broke it. That's why I kept all my contacts in a small book and in a second phone.

"Why are you still here? Don't you have something to work on, like the decoration, Santana? Or calling the other wedding that needs to be planned, Mercedes?"

With a huff they both stood up, Santana mumbling something about me being bossy and left my office so that Finn and I were alone.

"Everything's alright?" I asked and finally he broke out of his frozen state.

"Um, yeah, fine. Well, no, not really."

I shoved the phone into my jacket pocket and cocked an eyebrow as Finn bit is lower lip and was struggling with words.

"Something with dad or mom?"

"No... no. They are fine. It's... actually it's about Rachel."

"Rachel?"

Finn nodded while I sat down, flipped through my calender and found the next meeting I would have. It was almost 10am so I had almost two hours time to get there.

"You know, I mean... I get it that she gets married but yesterday, as I drove this rich couple to their wedding and they were talking about Rachel and her fiance. Something about him being a really bad guy and that she deserves better."

Oh... oh yeah, I knew some sides of Blaine that made no sense at all to me. It was really like I met three different persons. Charming, Mr. perfect-son-in-law, diva Blaine and horny Blaine who probably had no problem with calling guys and jerk off to their voice? He was drunk so who knew if he even remembered this call. I really hoped he didn't.

"I mean, if she is sure about that, fine. I'm only worried and I want her to be happy."

"Don't worry Finn. I know how much you care about her and I still don't understand why you two broke up anyway. But that's none of my business, so, what I want to say is, Blaine is good to her."

This wasn't even a lie it was the truth. Blaine always treated her like a princess and agreed with all her wishes. He almost acted like he didn't care about the wedding or at least how the wedding should be. Maybe he just wanted to get finally married or maybe... not?

I shook my head and smiled at Finn: "Don't worry. I have an eye on her."

"Good. That's actually all I wanted to know. So... um, I go and do my delivery."

* * *

The next day I had another meeting with Blaine and I wasn't ready for it. He didn't call me back nor did he send me a message or anything. It was like nothing happened and maybe, for him, nothing happened because he was drunk. So it wouldn't be surprising if he actually forgot what he did, which didn't make things better. And on that day we wanted to talk about the food he and Rachel wanted for the wedding. I already thought about some restaurants and possibilities but they both told me that Blaine's family had their own cooks and own ideas so that I should only take a taste of their food and decide which would be good. Honestly? Usually I did this kind of stuff but because it was Rachel it was somehow ridiculous for me to go there and give a judgment about their food. Anyway, she asked me to do her this favor and so I gave in.

We met each other in Blaine's apartment, which was pretty huge and as I walked into the building, took the elevator I could already smell something delicious. I stepped out of the elevator as I reached the top floor and stood still staring at the dark wood of his door. I was and adult, I went through awkward shit before and I would do it again. One last deep breath and then knocked against his door. It didn't take long and he opened it.

"Hey, you found it," he smiled like... nothing happened. _And why on earth was he wearing a suit? Why was he looking so good? Why was he straight, God dammit! _

"Well, yeah. It's a pretty expensive part of the city and the building is huge and people know this place."

He smirked and I walked inside to find myself in one huge, bright room with really expensive furniture. The kitchen was on the right side and four guys dressed in white were cooking there. The windows were huge, giving a perfect view on the city, walls white, on the left side was the living room with and two doors probably leading to the bedroom and bathroom. Yeah, it was clear that Blaine had money.

"Nice place."

"Yeah, well after the wedding I'll probably move out, although I would like to stay here. Anyway, I thought, since it's nice outside we could eat on the balcony?"

"Sure."

Either Blaine was a really good actor or he really had no memory of the night he called me. Which made me wonder why he was drunk anyway. I mean, I knew rich people had their meeting, their fancy parties and shit, and that drunk people usually did stuff they would never do sober. But it didn't feel like that.

I followed him to the balcony, finding a white table with two empty plates, cutlery and two white chairs. He moved my chair back, gestured me to sit down and I only raised my eyebrows. No, something was definitely strange. Thanking him I sat down, he next to me and I didn't have to find something to talk about because one of the guys came to us and placed three different variations of a salad in front of us. We both ate in silence, Blaine watching me while I avoided his eyes and said that I liked the second salad. He only nodded and called for the next meal. It went on like this, three different dishes with meat, soup, fish and I only ate a bit from everything, just to taste it and give my opinion. We didn't talk, we were awkwardly silent and after two hours I felt almost sick of all the stuff I've tasted.

"There is still the pie and the dessert," Blaine smirked for the first time truly.

"Oh God, I'll explode if I take one more bite."

Blaine laughed and they brought us three different pieces of a pie, ice cream and pudding. Only looking at it made me want to throw up because it was too much too even look at it.

"Okay. Then let's do this."

Blaine smiled, his eyes shining and he shoved from each dish two to the side and there was only one piece of a pie left, one small bowl with ice cream and one pudding. Like an five year old, happy about his piece of art he looked at it, then back at me and said: "Those are my favorite and I think you'll like them."

"I'm sure I would if I wouldn't feel like about to explode."

"Come on, Kurt," Blaine was pouting – he was pouting that little fucker! - and took my spoon to take some of the green ice cream on it just to hold the spoon right in front of my mouth. The hell? I was no child he didn't need to feed me and what was wrong with this guy? Who was this guys anyway? First he is this Mr. Perfect, then he turns into a diva with no sense for fashion, then he acts like the wedding was not his own wedding, then the drunk Blaine who was horny as fuck and asking me stuff that was none of his business and now... this? I eyed him, long, saying nothing and he pouted again, moving the spoon a little bit, his damn big eyes making me weak and I opened my mouth. What the hell was wrong with him? What the hell was wrong with me? I was sitting here, with my best friends fiance and let him feed me like... like a baby. Like it was the most normal thing between us. He did the same thing with the pudding and the pie and after I tasted them all he looked at me, totally excited.

"What do you think?"

"I.. I think they are good."

"Great! We are done!" And with that the three cooks came back, cleaned the table and Blaine followed them to tell them which dishes they wanted to have at the wedding. I used his absence as a chance to calm down, to order my thoughts and to remind me why I was here and not what I wished was the reason to be here. However, it didn't change the fact that Blaine was more and more a wandering mystery for me and I really wanted to blame it on my crush that, maybe, I just saw things that weren't there. That, maybe, this all was just my imagination and I was desperate to find someone.

Blaine came back, with a pleased smile on his face and sat down, looking at me and then turning his eyes to the view on the city. I just massaged my eyes, placed one hand on my belly and sighed.

"Sorry that we had to do it here. Next time I'll take you out to a real restaurant."

What... on... earth? Suddenly there was anger burning inside me. Why did he act the way he did? Why was he so nice and flirty? Because he was flirting with me! Was he joking about me? Because he knew I was gay and wanted to figure out if I could fall for him? Actually it made somehow sense for me, because before he knew I was gay he didn't act like this. The second I stepped inside his apartment he gave me strange looks, he made romantic – hell yes, this table and those chairs were just adorable oh and look there are even freaking flowers on the table! How did I not notice this? - atmosphere and even fed me. He was fucking feeding me like it was a date!

"You are unbelievable," I said it out loud.

"Okay?" Blaine blinked in confusion and I groaned while I ran my hand through my hair.

"Don't get me wrong, but, first you act like you don't care about this wedding and now you just... do this."

He turned in his chair, facing me and leaning back while he watched me: "Doing what, exactly?"

"This, Blaine!" I pointed to the table and then to the kitchen behind us: "All of this. Like... do you feed each guy you meet?"

"What?" he almost laughed: "I'm sorry but, why do you act like it's such a big deal?"

"Because you shouldn't do it. Probably you want to tease me since you know I'm gay?" I had no idea what was going with me but I really needed to let this out. It was unprofessional, it was wrong and it was none of my business – and maybe I would ruin my job with this – but I couldn't stay silent anymore. We knew each other for how long? Three weeks? _Jeez..._

"You are a tease. They way you dress and speak and walk around like you own this town. Do you think it's fair teasing me like that?"

"I do... what? Okay, fine."

I stood up, walked back inside and Blaine was following me: "Hey, wait, where are you going?"

"Getting some sleep, since someone thinks I don't need any sleep."

"I didn't know you have a boyfriend. Is he such a tease as you are?"

Why was he smirking? Why was he saying this stuff? What was wrong with this guy?

"See you in two weeks, Blaine."

* * *

After the meeting with Blaine I was done I didn't go back to my apartment because I still had all these memories in my head about what happened that one night and what he said to me. So I asked Santana to stay with me and tell me about the decoration and on what she and Blaine agreed on. Not meeting Blaine for the next two weeks was all I wanted and needed because, honestly, I still didn't understand what actually had happened. It was almost like this guys was sick, like he had many different personalities inside of his small body and didn't know about that. Or he was just like that, a good actor, someone who could wear many masks and pretend to be someone. And also what was wrong with me? I usually had more patience with my customers, but he just... ugh!

Sighing I placed a bottom of wine on my desk, two glasses and then she was finally there, stepping into my office and looking exhausted as much as I did.

"Had a nice dinner with your sweetheart?"

I glared at her like I tried to kill her with my look and she just grinned and sat down on the chair in front of my desk.

"I know that you were the one who changed my ring tone."

"I thought you liked old songs."

"You know what I mean, Santana."

She rolled her eyes, smiled at me with an apologetically expression and I poured some wine into our glasses and handed her one.

"What about the decoration?"

"Mmh," she hummed as she took a sip and then spoke: "Fine. Actually it's basic stuff. Red roses on the tables, white curtains on the ceiling, you know, nothing special."

I nodded slowly as we both were silent, the nightlight shining into my office and the wine floating over my tongue. It calmed me down a bit and I felt how tired I was after everything that happened today.

"So, judging by your expression you had no sex back that night you broke your phone?"

"No. I broke it because some idiot called me and I couldn't sleep anymore."

"Does this idiot have a name?"

My eyes moved to her, seeing her curious look and I wasn't sure if I could tell her who it was. Santana would probably judge me, telling me that it was stupid that I still was carzy about Blaine. Because, yes, I was. Which made no sense after what happened in the past weeks. Each sane person wouldn't be so crazy and still hope for... for what exactly? He was straight, he would marry Rachel, my friend, in less then two months.

"I heard about a new bar. A karaoke bar."

"What? Do you want to go there and make a Glee-Club reunion?"

"No. It's actually a bar for people like you and me. And I think, since you love dicks and I love boobs we should go there and find some nice company?"

With an raised eyebrow I stared at her and she sighed annoyed and rolled her eyes, pulling her shoes off her feet.

"I mean you find someone, I find someone and just have a good time? I'm not interested in your kind of sex and I don't want to see it."

For the first time I actually laughed and watched the wine in my glass swaying slowly up and down.

"So what do you think, boss?"

"I think, next weekend is perfect."


	5. Shout

Chapter 4. Shout

Not hearing anything from Blaine, no call, no message, absolutely nothing should have been a blessing because that's what I wanted. But the first four days I kept on asking myself what he was doing, why he said those things to me and why he had done all these things. As a man who was about to get married he still didn't care at all about this wedding. In fact, he almost acted like he didn't want this wedding to happen. Well, that's what I thought but while I was reading all those magazines and saw the Andersons and also Rachel's family making a big deal about this wedding made me doubt. Perhaps I really saw it that way and it was only me who saw those things. So many people were talking about upcoming wedding, many people I was working for and they all said the same thing. How cute they looked together, how famous their fashion lines will be. In one article I read that, with the wedding, they want to put both fashion lines together and become one new one. And somewhere, in the darkest place of my thoughts I wondered if this was the reason for the wedding. What if all this was just a way to bring both fashion lines together, make create a marriage contract for their benefit?

No, I shook my head and closed the magazine. This was none of my business. This was too big for me and I kept on telling myself that Blaine was only teasing me and that's it. Nothing else, nothing important. He was straight, he would marry Rachel and have a big, rich family with her. Although he had no idea about fashion – only about his own clothes – he still had Rachel, her family and his own to help him out. It had nothing to do with me.

* * *

On Saturday, three days before Rachel would come back, I was glad that all this anger, all this disturbing feelings were gone and I didn't think about Blaine at all. Moving forward and forgetting all the stuff was my goal and Santana's idea to go to the karaoke bar was more than welcomed. We met outside of my agency at the evening and she was wearing a tight, red short dress. Yeah, this was Santana obviously on the hunt for a girl. She smirked when she saw me, wearing a dark purple shirt and tight jeans with black shoes. The first buttons were open and my hair, like usually styled how I wanted it to be.

"You look good, Hummel."

"Well, nothing compares with your outfit."

"I know," she sighed dramatically and than we both laughed and walked down the street. The weather was nice, not too hot and no rain so we didn't even thought about taking a cab.

"So, we are almost done with the Berry wedding, hm?"

"Yeah. She asked me to be with them when they decide which dance they want to perform at their wedding, then we'll meet with their families to start the rehearsal for the wedding and then the vows. She really wants me to plan each step with her."

"You are friends and she trusts you. I mean you and your crush on her Hobbit-Fiance is not really helping but I guess you are over it?"

All I did is nodding because yeah, the past two weeks I more and more distant myself from the thought and from Blaine and for the first time, since I met him, I felt like I could breath.

"Good! Then I'll find some nice ass for you!"

"I think I can do that alone."

We laughed and after a while we went to a small street and found the bar. I opened the door and let Santana first in and as soon as I followed her I heard two guys singing, loud, happily with all the other people.

_Lay where you're laying, don't make a sound  
I know they're watching, they're watching _

By my right side was the bar, in front of us was the room, - _All the commotion, the kiddie like play  
Has people talking, talking_ - huge with many round tables and chairs, and on the other end of the room was the stage and it even went to far that the right and left side of the room belonged to it, so people could walk it down. Two guys, wearing matching shirts and pants literally yelled into the microphone and grinned at each other, while the crowd was clapping and singing with them.

_You, your sex is on fire _

Santana began to dance to one of the free tabled and gestured me to follow her.

_The dark of the alley, the breaking of day  
The head while I'm driving, I'm driving  
Soft lips are open, knuckles are pale  
Feels like you're dying, you're dying _

She shoved off her jacket, sat down and grinned at the stage, while I watched her with amusement, tapped my food along the music and then we both began to sing along.

_You, your sex is on fire  
Consumed with what's to transpire _

One of the waiters came to us, smiling at me and asking what we wanted. I ordered the usual stuff we both always drank when we went out and thanked him as he walked back to the bar.

"Don't forget the shots, Hummel!"

I laughed at her and watched some people began to dance, while the two guys – obviously they were a couple – gave us a nice show of dancing together and being hot and adorable at the same time. I remembered I used to do the same with my fiance, Peter. Like any other couple we were happy at the beginning, but later it just turned into a disaster. No one did anything bad we just... weren't working together anymore. Most of the time we were fighting and saying awful things about the other. Whatever, I thought and heard the loud clapping and cheering and whistling from the crowd as the song was done. The two guys bowed down, kissed each other happily and left the stage. The waiter came back with our drinks – I ordered three shots for both of us – and Santana nudged me with her foot under the table to get my attention.

"This place is nice and awesome and you make a face like you lost a kitty."

"I was just thinking about Peter."

"Kurt!" she groaned and pressed her hand against her forehead: "Please! No, not Peter. It's been a year now and honestly, I'm glad that we didn't have to break into your apartment and drag you out of your bed for a whole year."

"Hey, it's not like that. I just remembered something, I'm over Peter."

"Aha," she sighed annoyed and slapped my hand as I wanted to drink: "No. First we take the three shots and then you can drink this. I don't want to talk about Peter. I don't want you to even think about him. You'll drink the three shots, then three more and your damn drink and look for a nice guy for you. Got it?"

"Thank you." Sometimes it really felt like I didn't say it often enough. Santana was sometimes annoying and yeah, sometimes I wanted to yell at her but in the end she was one of those friends I could trust.

"Hey! Three more shots!" she shouted to the waiter and than she grinned – Chug! - and our three shots were gone. Without any reason we began to laugh and Santana took the small book, which was laying in the middle of the table and inside was a long list of songs we could sing.

"So let's see, any wishes, Kurt?"

"Just tell me what you like and I say if I agree or not."

She grinned, the waiter came with three more shots and we drank one together. Jeez, it had been a while since I drank the last time, but it felt so good to sit here, with her and just laugh and listen to music and see all these people being happy. I even began to check some guys out, and some caught my attention – I took my drink to my lips and took a sip – especially this guy on the stage, wide smirk and curly hair and... the fuck!? I chocked on my drink, Santana clapping on my back and began to cough. . .

"Hey guys! Having fun?!" Blaine cheered into the microphone, sweaty and clearly enjoying his time and looking so good in his dark red shirt and black pants. But.. why was he here!?

"I can't believe it." Santana breathed.

"Me neither," I mumbled and heard the crowd cheering.

"Good! And thank you for coming to my bar! The next drinks are all on me!"

My eyes immediately moved to Santana, staring at her with disbelief and confusion. What did he mean by his bar? Why was he running a karaoke bar for gay people? Who the hell was this guy!?

"Well, that's interesting. Maybe you were right, Kurt."

"For the first time in my life I hope I'm wrong."

I took the other two shots, my drink, drank up and took thankfully the other one from the waiter into my hand. There was no way I would stay sober now. NO fucking way, I couldn't deal with this, I didn't want to deal with this. This all had nothing to do with me, nothing. Rachel probably knew about this, also his parents and I just missed all this because I only saw him being taken.

"Wooooaah! Look there!" Blaine shouted, held himself steady by grabbing the microphone stand and smirking at us.

"No... please don't," I mumbled, covered my view with my hand but noticed how Santana waved at Blaine and he took the microphone – and a second one –, jumped off the stage and walked towards us. No, fucking, way.

"Hey Kurt, Santana," he smirked and luckily he said it not into the microphone. Slowly, without being sure if this was a good idea I looked at him, saw his sweaty face, the curls that found their way out of the gel in his hair and felt Santana's eyes looking at me, Blaine and back to me. This wasn't happening, this was a dream.

"You and I are going to sing. Now."

That being said he placed the microphone right before me on the table, smirking and taking a drink of the tablet the waiter was holding as he passed us by.

"No."

"Come on, Kurt. It's just a song," Santana whispered and the crowd began to clap and cheer. Holy fuck. In my frustration I drank up my other drink, felt my head becoming dizzy and looked up, to see Blaine smirking at me while the music began and he jumped on our table – Santana took the glasses so they wouldn't fall down – and Blaine began to sing into the microphone, looking at the people until he was looking at me, squat down and pressed the other microphone into my hand.

Fuck, my, life.

_You know you make me wanna (Shout!)  
Kick my heels up and (Shout!)_

He began to sing, the crowd with him and Santana too. Why this song? Why the fuck this one? And why did he jump off the table and took my hand and dragged me to the stage?

_Throw my hands up and (Shout!)  
Throw my head back and (Shout!) _

I followed him on the stage, through the dancing people and gave him one last warning look. Fine. He wanted to play? Then I should be fair and play with him. So I began to sing.

_Come on now (Shout!)  
Don't forget to say you will  
Don't forget to say, yeah  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  
(Say you will) _

While I sang he was dancing around me, coming closer, stepping back and being the biggest tease ever. It was ridiculous, it was unreal what happened here but I joined in. Eventually this was a game, right? So I wanted to win and show him that he couldn't treat me the way he liked to, that I was no child and not just someone who was fucking working for him. Oh no, Blaine Anderson should never forget this moment.

_(Say) say that you want me  
(Say) you wanna please me  
(Say) come on now _

Blaine sang to me, the crowd was dancing and singing and not caring about us. He smirked and as it was my turn to sing again, I gave him a glare, showing that I wasn't amused and held my head high.

_(Say) I still remember  
(Shooby-doo-wop-do-wop-wop-wop-wop)  
When you used to be nine years old _

My eyes went back to look at him and... this fucker was pouting again! Making his big eyes and pleading while he sang.

_I was a fool for you, from the bottom of my soul, yeah! _

We sang along, together with everybody in the room and with each second we moved closer to each other, dancing and I didn't even noticed the words that were leaving my mouth. I noticed nothing but my feelings, running like crazy through my body. There was anger, there was sadness, there was annoyance, but mainly confusion because Blaine acted like he was really sorry. Yeah, he acted like that because he was drunk and being horny in public and doing something against it was even too much for a Blaine Anderson. He came close, too close so that our hips almost touched and he shoved him from me while he sang:

_a little bit softer now _

_a little bit softer now _

_a little bit softer now _

While Blaine sang I just danced there, watching the crowd dancing, moving my hips absently and seeing Santana with a girl, dancing and being happy with her. It's been a while that I saw her like this, so calm and not caring about the world. Yeah I wished I could do that too and as I wanted to exactly look for someone I only felt Blaine taking the microphone out of my hand and throwing it to the crowd so two other people could sing on. I had nothing against it, frankly, I thought that was it and I could go back to the people and mind my own business but I was wrong. He held my hand, dragged me with him behind the stage and pushed me down on a chair and straddle my... Holy shit! He sat down on my lap, cupping my face – while everyone else was still singing – and pressed his lips on mine. Oh God! Oh fuck! This wasn't happening, no way this was real! He was drunk, I was drunk, this was stupid and...

"Kurt..." he breathed my name and kissed me again and I... I gave in. With everything I had I kissed him back because, damn, this was all I could dream about since the day I met him. Just getting the real thing was a mind blowing. His tongue slipped into my mouth, mine reacting and then it was sloppy, all teeth and everything was spinning as he began to move his hips against mine. Holy fucking shit! He was hard! Straight Blaine Anderson was hard and so was I and all I could think about was to tear his clothes off his body and touch him everywhere. I wanted him, now that I knew what it felt like I wanted more and cared only about this. I wanted more of his sweaty skin, of his kisses, his hands, I wanted to feel him everywhere, now.

"My place," he moaned against my lips and slowly, we both stood up, leaving the bar by taking the back way.


	6. Gossip

Chapter 5. Gossip

We left the bar with shaking legs, breathing heavy and taking the first cab we could get to drive to Blaine's place. My blood was humming in my ears, my hormones ran through my system like crazy and I felt like a teenager right before the first time I had sex. Parted lips, eyes glassy I watched Blaine who just stood there, dark eyes and climbing into the cab as it stood still. I followed him, heard him mumbling his address and then he pulled me close again, one hand on the back of my head the other sliding under my shirt to touch my shoulder and neck while his lips sucked on mine. Willingly I kissed him back, my hands holding his face just to keep him close and not caring about what this meant, what would happen when we both were sober again. Fuck no, nothing mattered right now because I was horny and wanted him more than anything else.

His hands went down, holding my hips and forcing me on top of him but I just groaned a low not here and he went back to kissing me instead.

After ten minutes, which felt much more longer the driver stopped and we pulled apart, Blaine grumbling a thank you and giving him too much money for the ride. We climbed outside, literally ran into the building, to the elevator and there, to my surprise he didn't pushed me into a corner and attached my lips again our touched me anywhere. Blaine was just looking at me, eyes wide and dark, lips swollen, pink and his breath leaving and filling his body. It was so tense, it was a tease to stand next to each other without doing anything and just breathing, licking our dry lips wet and waiting for the damn elevator to finally reach the top floor.

It was unfair that he just stood there, looking so sexy with his sweaty hair, with the curls escaping the gel, his dark red shirt rumpled and his talented tongue slipping in and out instead of giving me the pleasure from before. He was such a tease I wanted to just jump on him and finally do what we both wanted to do. And I was sure Blaine felt the same way, the way his eyes were running up and down my body, the small whimper that fell from his lips and how he clenched his hands so that his knuckles became white.

"I'll fuck you," he groaned in a whisper and I gasped: "So hard you won't forget it."

_Yes, God, please yes._

The elevator stopped and we walked out, Blaine opened the door to his apartment and as soon as we were inside the dark room he locked the door he turned around, grabbed my thighs and held me up. With a surprised yelp I slung my arms around his neck, my legs around his body and he walked us into his bedroom, while our lips were kissing again. God, I needed him naked, I needed to be naked to get rid of the tightness around my cock.

"I told you, you are such a tease," he said as we fell on his huge bed, I laying on my back while Blaine crawled to me so he was over me and his hand began to unbutton my shirt: "Teasing me and thinking I could hold myself back?"

"Shut up and fuck me already," I hissed as I opened his shirt and saw him smirking at me. Jesus, I never thought I would be happy about that I was drunk and doing such a stupid thing. But I was.

"So eager," Blaine hummed, bit my earlobe and kissed it. Holy shit, there was no way he did this for the first time. He knew what he was doing, right? He knew what two guys were doing? He owned a freaking gay bar! He was the one who kissed me first and wanted this as much as I wanted it. _God, please. _

Blaine leaned back, taking of his shirt and in the moonlight I could see the fines muscles on his arm, the smooth skin, the well trained body his was. Holy fuck, he was hot, so hot I couldn't understand where the luck came from I definitely had now. With hungry hands I took my shirt off, let it fell to the ground and leaned forward to touch Blaine's skin. It felt so good under my fingertips, so warm, burning and he smelled so incredible. Like the warm sun, like something old and familiar.

"I wanted to do this for so long," he breathed as his hand slipped between my legs and he began to palm my bulge. Oh fuck!

"Take them off," I said, almost pleaded because I couldn't take it any longer. My trembling fingers opened his pants, sliding them down together with his briefs to his thighs and then he shoved me back against the mattress and took his clothes off, then mine and finally we were naked. My painful hard cock was pressed against my abdomen and for a second I thought about to stroke myself before Blaine was there, but he crawled back to me, spread my legs wide and then he was above me, a smile on his smug smile on his face and then he pressed down. Our cocks aligned, our lips sharing hungry kisses and I raised my hips to get more friction while Blaine began to move.

"Oh fuck," I moaned into his mouth. Blaine kicked the blanket to the floor, reached out for his nightstand and took a bottle of lube and condoms out of the drawer. Oh no! Sure I wanted him to fuck me but before we would go this far I wanted more because who knew if this would happen again. Who knew if I would let that happen again. Whatever, my drunk mind told me and my hand held Blaine's head, sliding down to his shoulders and then I pushed him down.

"Please."

"Please what?" he smirked and held himself up, moving his hips teasingly so our cocks were touching. I didn't know why but I said nothing, just looking into his dark honey eyes and hoping he would get it. Well, it was stupid to think he would stop teasing me and just do it. Slowly he leaned his head down, back to my ear and his hot breath made me shiver.

"I'll suck your dick if you'll suck mine. I know you want it."

"Then do it already," I said with desperation and pushed him back down. With a chuckle he slid down my body, his hand on my thighs, spreading my legs wider open and is eyes roaming over my body. Somehow it made me nervous the way he was looking at me, every inch of my body like never someone before him did. Frankly, I never met a person that looked at me like Blaine did right now.

"You're hot," he whispered and his mouth sunk down my cock. A low moan fell from my lips, my head moved back and my fingers ran into his curls while he was sucking my dick. Holy shit, this guy knew what he was doing, this wasn't the first time he did something like this. No way in hell he was doing this for the first time.

"Shit" I hissed in pleasure and looked down at him, watching how eager he was sucking me, felt his talented tongue around my cock, how he hollowed his cheeks and I cried out. Jesus, this wasn't my first blowjob I got but it was definitely one of the best. Blaine hummed pleased, moved his hand where his mouth couldn't reach and I was panting, longing for breath and then he took me completely in so that I hit the back of his throat.

"Oh God!"

And then his mouth was gone as he felt how close I was.

"We aren't ready yet," he smiled: "It's your turn."

I don't know where the sudden strength came to actually move and switch the position. Without any words he lay down, me between his spread legs and a pleased smile on his lips. Holy shit, his sweaty skin, his body stretched out right in front of me and his thick cock begging for attention. I almost lost myself because he looked so, so good like this. Thanks to my drunk mind I just bent down and wrapped my mouth around his cock, sucking like it would be the only chance I got to do this. I heard him moaning, felt his hands on my shoulders, in my hair and with my left arm I kept him down so he couldn't move his hips. His dick was heavy on my tongue, but so, so good, I never thought a cock could taste so good. Moving my head back I licked a long stripe along the underside of his cock, sucking his head and then back down, swallowing him completely.

"Holy shit, you are so good!"

There was something like pride bubbling inside of me and after some seconds, when Blaine took the lube into his hands sucked for one last time, making him whimper and then I moved back to him, attacking his lips with mine to a fierce kiss. I was hard as fuck, horny as fuck and I just wanted and needed his cock inside me. That's why I took the lube, poured some on my fingers and warmed it up between them just to push one of them inside.

"You are so hot, Kurt. So hot..." he breathed and watched me with wide eyes, while I pushed a second finger inside me and opened myself up for him.

"No, let me," he stated and yes, god yes I wanted to feel his fingers, to know how it would feel like. I lay down on my stomach, feeling him behind me, hearing how he opened to bottle and after a while two of his fingers were inside me, pumping in and out.

"Your ass is so tight and so hot," Blaine murmured and kissed the back of my neck.

I moaned in response, moving into his touch and then there was a third finger and a sound of pleasure came out of my mouth. Oh god, I was so hard, so horny it hurt so I took the condom and handed it to him. Pumping in and out to open me up, he took it, opened it with his teeth and then his fingers were gone and I turned my head around to watch him. Panting he rolled the condom over his cock, coating it with lube and I bent my leg to give him an easier access.

"I'll fuck you so good baby," he whispered into my ear as I felt the head of his cock at my entrance: "You'll never forget." And then he went deeper and deeper, making sure he wouldn't hurt me but as soon as he was completely inside of me I moaned in such a pleasure I never heard myself like this before. Blaine's lips were on my shoulder, his arms beside my body and then he began to move and hot air fell on my skin together with those incredible noises he made. Sweet Jesus, he felt so big inside me, so good that I couldn't help myself but move with him. The last time I had actually sex was months ago and I totally forgot how good it felt to just let myself fall into this arousal, this endless pleasure, and, maybe, it was because of Blaine but frankly, I didn't care at all.

"So good... oh fuck, harder, Blaine."

He was moving, his hands on my waist and I followed his instruction, keeping myself up on all fours while he was behind me and doing what I pleaded for. His skin was slapping against mine, I could feel his balls, his hands holding he in place and I just took it. I took everything he gave me and this willingly.

"You feel so good Kurt. So fucking good. Shit..." he moaned at his hand was sliding down my stomach, taking a hold of my cock and stroking it hard and fast. My arms gave in, I felt the familiar twirl in my stomach, knowing I wouldn't last any longer. One thrust, another and then I came with a low moan, my mind going blank. All I could hear was the blood in my ears, my heartbeat and somewhere I heard Blaine moaning and feeling his body on mine.

* * *

My head hurt so bad, was pounding merciless against my skull and with a groan I moved closer to the warm arms which were holdi... hold the fuck on! I moved my head back, staring at Blaine's face. His fucking peaceful face and then all the memories hit me and my face began to burn. I had sex with Blaine. I had sex with Rachel's fiance and we both wanted it. We had sex, like really hot sex, like the kind of sex I wouldn't tell a soul about it. I was fucking dead!

"'alm down," he mumbled in his sleep and pulled me closer. For some seconds I froze, felt his lips against my cheek, a small kiss and then he took a deep breath and just held me. He was gentle, lovely and clearly wanting me here but...

No, fucking, way!

I released myself from his arms and a small noise of pain blurted out of my mouth. Fuck... my ass hurt so bad, my body was so tired but there was no way I could stay here. While I pulled my briefs back on, slowly standing up to put my pants also on I heard Blaine grumbling something and when I turned around I watched him, sitting there like nothing happened, with a blanket around his lower naked body. He was rubbing his eyes, his hair was a mess and then he was looking at me, like he waited for me to come back and just... what?

"You do realize what happened?"

Blaine shrugged, his eyes still locked with mine.

"Do you care about anything at all?"

Blaine shrugged again and with that, with a scoff and clearly not in the mood to talk with him, or about what happened or whatever I put my shirt back on and took my other belongings with me to just leave. Leave and forget.

* * *

Later that day, after a long hot shower, after watching some TV to distract myself I ended up calling Santana and begging her to visit me. She, of course, was more then willing. With that I ended up thinking and I knew, no matter how hard I tried to forget or distract myself, in the end I would end up in my mind and recall everything that had happened.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or scream or punch him because he didn't care. He acted like it was totally normal for him to do what he did. Like it meant nothing at all what happened. But, did I want that? That it meant something for him? What the hell happened anyway? We were drunk, we were singing, then making out and then we both were horny and fucking like rabbits because... why? Sure I had my crush on Blaine and somewhere, in the darkest place of my fantasy I wondered what it would be like to sleep with him. But then reality hit me and I remembered that he was straight and engaged with Rachel, my friend Rachel. Well, that was in the past and now things were a bit different. Blaine was for sure anything but straight. He owned a bar for gay people, he knew what he was doing when we had sex and as we woke up he showed no intentions of letting me go. With a groan I lay down on my couch, placing the mug with tea back on the coffee table and staring at the ceiling. What if this was Blaine's thing? What if he was actually cheating on Rachel? Holy Shit! I was part of it, right? I helped Blaine to cheat on Rachel! I was betraying my friend!

"Fuck no!" I yelled into the pillow I was pressing against my face, as I felt how I couldn't hold it back. What if I wasn't the only one? His parents knew it, right? They knew his son loved dicks? Maybe he was bisexual?

Why... why was my life such a mess suddenly? At the moment I felt like Blaine wasn't in my mind anymore, that I controlled the crush I had on him he came back, with full force and now, although I knew everything was fucked up, such a big bad mess, I wanted him anyway. God, what a pathetic person was I anyway? He was cheating, fucking guys and didn't care about how he hurt Rachel with it and how wrong it was.

The door opened and I sat up, seeing Santana with raised eyebrows and closing the door behind her. After the break up with Peter she had a second key to my apartment just in case I would fall back to my old behavior, which was laying in my bed, watching bad TV and eating ice-cream.

"Okay... I see it," she remarked and sat down next to me: "But... tell me it wasn't him."

All I did is biting my lower lip and her eyes widened.

"No way! Kurt, when I told you to find some nice ass I wasn't talking about Blaine."

"He started it. It wasn't me."

Her face changed into a curious expression, so she crossed her legs, leaning back and giving me all her attention.

"What? He kissed me and then we went to his place and yeah... I don't know. I don't understand what this means."

"Well, it obviously means that this guy isn't so straight and that he is cheating on Rachel. With you."

"Thanks," I grumbled and felt even more shame and guilt.

"Hey, I'm not the one who will lie to you, okay? You know that this job is your ticket to your dream and, look, I get it that he is hot and stuff but still."

A deep, desperate sigh left my mouth and I buried my face inside my hands. This was all a dream, this never happened, how was I supposed to keep on planning this wedding? There were still the dance rehearsal, meeting their families and I just... how should I face Rachel and, god forbid, their families after what had happened? How should I let Rachel marry him? He was a cheater, he wasn't good enough for her, he didn't care about her!

"Listen, Hummel. Maybe you should just sleep about this and then think what you want. Forget it and move on or tell Rachel what a jerk he is."

Thinking that Blaine was a jerk was easy for Santana but not for me. I knew what he did. I heard what he said because damn, I was part of it but still... something told me he wasn't this bad. Something told me, some insane voice that there was a reason that would explain everything what he did..

"Maybe... maybe I should talk with Blaine?"

"To find out what we already know? That he is a cheater and an idiot? Come on, Kurt."

"But there must be a reason, don't you think?"

She shook her head, sighing and giving me a sad smile.

"You always try to see the good in people."

No, I wasn't trying, I knew there was something that made Blaine act the way he acted. Something was there and on one side I wanted to know it and on the other side I wasn't sure if it was a good idea. His family was rich and famous and if I began to dig deeper into their business they could ruin mine. And then there was Rachel who had no idea about anything. All she wanted to do was marry him, be happy and that's it.

"What a fucking mess," I whined and rubbed my face.

"Tell me about it."

We both looked to the door as we heard someone knocking and immediately my heart began to beat fast and painful against my chest. Please don't be Blaine, I kept thinking and it was Santana who stood up, giving me a calming look and I knew she wouldn't let him in if it was really him. My arms held the pillow close against my chest, while I watched her opening the door, turning around to me and then stepping aside and it was Finn who came inside.

"Hey, dude," he said, holding a magazine in his hand and walking with fast steps to me.

"You need to check this out, Kurt. I knew there was something wrong with this guy."

"Guy?" I asked and took a look at the magazine, while Santana came back and took a look with me. Finn then leaned down, opened it and skimmed the magazine until we were looking at a picture of two guys which one looked a lot like Blaine. It was Blaine!

"Read it," Finn nodded and pointed to the text below the picture of Blaine and a blond guy.

_Blaine Anderson, son of the famous fashion line Anderons just broke up with his boyfriend. After 3 years of love and being engaged for one year they both decided to break up. As a reason Blaine said that he wanted to focus on his own life but they would still be friends. _

"Oh my god, this is getting better and better," Santana almost laughed because everything was just a big mystery and a very, very bad joke.


	7. Blind trust

Chapter 6. Blind trust

"I bet Rachel doesn't know that," Finn remarked and was sitting on my armchair while Santana and I exchanged a look: "And he probably is just playing with her."

Santana's black eyes were staring at me, warningly that I shouldn't say a word about the night with Blaine and of course, I wasn't stupid. Everything was a fucking mess already I didn't need Finn to make an even bigger mess of this.

"You, my dear stepbrother won't say a word about this to Rachel, got it?"

"But.."

"No but, Finn. Think about it. It's not only Rachel who is involved in this. We all are. Their families are rich, famous and powerful they could ruin our business and we would lose our jobs," Santana explained and crossed her arms before her chest.

"Why would they do that? It's not our fault that all of this might be a fake and who are we to let this happen to a friend of us?"

"Because it's not our business what their families are planning, that's why Finn. If we stick our noses to deep into this they'd feel offended and all we get is trouble."

Santana was right, all the time.

"Maybe he is bisexual or something. Who knows. We can't say that all of this is fake or not," I said although I knew Blaine wasn't honest. I was there, I was the one he had sex with while we both knew it was wrong.

"You can't expect me to just sit back and see her running into her own misery. I understand what you said but I love her and I can't let that happen," Finn looked at us with a desperate look and helpless.

"We'll figure something out, okay? Just... don't do anything stupid. Leave this to me and Kurt because we are planning this wedding and actually see Blaine and Rachel, okay?" Santana said and wanted to end this discussion. I saw it in her face how much annoyed and exhausted she was because we were there, where we didn't want to be. We were involved in their private business and one wrong step and we could lose everything. Just because I, my drunken mind and my crush on Blaine brought us here. For one second I thought about to punch my own cock for being such a stupid idiot and not listening to my mind.

"Fine," Finn leaned back clearly unhappy.

"Finn, just, maybe you should tell us why you two broke up? Maybe something happened while you two were together, like Rachel began to act differently?"

"No, we were fine. Really. We were talking about our future and stuff. But then one day she just came to me, saying she wants to break up. I asked her why and she said that she needs to focus on her future, alone and a month later there was Blaine."

Her future? Rachel was an actress and preferred to stay in theaters. The day she had her first Broadway show was incredible and Finn was with her and both were more than happy. After that she got many roles and in her free time she was helping her dads and promoting their fashion by wearing their dresses or went to some fashion events.

"We figure it out, alright?" Santana said it with a voice that made clear this topic was done and Finn nodded, stood up said his goodbye and left. After the door was closed we looked at each other, I saw the questions in her eyes and I shrugged.

"I'll talk with Blaine, okay? I ask him what this means and then we'll see?"

"Yeah, maybe. But we still do our job?"

"Yeah. We better act like we know nothing. At least you and Finn."

* * *

We agreed on not talking about this gossip magazine Finn found, who was more than ready to tell this Rachel and stop this wedding. Obviously he was more against this wedding as we knew, after hearing why they broke up I wasn't surprised why Finn thought that way. It made even me questioning this wedding. It had nothing to do with my feelings I had for Blaine, it was a feeling, telling me that not only Blaine but also Rachel were doing a big mistake. Rachel was an actress and it was her job to pretend a feeling, pretend to be someone she was not and I wondered if she could even fool me although I knew her for so many years.

I wanted to wait till Friday because Wednesday was the dance rehearsal she wanted me to attend with her and Blaine and honestly, I wasn't ready to go there and face them both, especially Blaine. The shame I felt for what I did and the need to do it again was deep down in my bones and driving me insane. I shouldn't feel that way, the need to kiss him again, to feel him again, I shouldn't but I did. It was crazy, so fucking crazy what happened in my life that I really thought about it to just blow it off and tell them to find someone else to plan their wedding if there were not the money I would get after the wedding was done.

Not amused I left my car and walked into the dark brown building which Rachel always visited for her dancing lessons. I walked through the golden hall, up the stairs to the first room on the right side and opened the door to find five couples there, already dancing a slow waltz. With relief I sighed as I made sure that I didn't know any of those couples but Rachel and Blaine who were looking so good together, smiling and dancing like they had never done anything else in their life.

Blaine, dirty, sexy Blaine, smiling like nothing happened, acting like he held the love of his life in his arms and I wanted to puke as I saw his face and at the same time, the way he moved his body, how he knew how to dance... I couldn't help myself and imagine him naked because, fuck, I knew how he looked like when he was naked. While they were dancing I sat down on a chair next to the door and waited until they were ready and as the music stopped everyone was clapping and four of the five couples began to leave the dancing room.

"Kurt!" Rachel almost shrieked and ran up to me throwing her arms around my neck: "It's so good to see you! Blaine showed me the wedding place and it's just so beautiful. And I saw the decoration and food and, Kurt, you really did an awesome job!"

"Well... it's my job to exactly do that," I assured her and as Blaine came to us it was hard for me to keep eye contact with him. Well for him it seemed to be no big deal. And it was also clear that Rachel knew nothing.

"I hope you had a nice weekend," Blaine said as we shook our hands and, god, I knew what this hand was able to do.

"I had better weekends," he smiled smugly but Blaine only grinned and didn't show me if it bothered him or not.

"So, Kurt, I want you to dance with Blaine."

"You want what?"

Was she fucking stupid? Well, okay, she didn't know what happened between me and Blaine but... was she fucking stupid? She knew I was gay and what if it bothered Blaine – well I was sure it wouldn't but anyway – and I came here to watch her dancing with him and not that I could dance with Blaine. Oh no, no, no, no. This was a bad idea and I had no trust in myself or at least some body parts.

"I want to see how Blaine looks like when he dances tango and waltz. And I want to see it live."

"Then why didn't you ask Santana?" This wasn't fucking happening.

"Kurt, please," she pouted and I rolled my eyes, shook my head and no freaking way this was happening. It almost felt like I was living in a really bad movie and whole world wanted to mock me. Even my friend, even Rachel who I tried to protect because, obviously, Blaine wasn't the charming prince she thought he was.

"Rachel, sweetie, maybe Kurt doesn't know how to dance tango or waltz," Blaine said and I jerked my head, painfully to his side, glaring at him. Me? Not knowing how to dance? After all the years of planning weddings? I knew dances he would dream of and I could move my body, he never saw anyone moving before. I even knew the freaking women and men steps!

"Fine!" I snarled and Rachel clapped in excitement. We walked to the middle of the room and for the first time I took a closer look at Blaine and damn him! He looked so good in his dark green suit and this slim tie. The last time I saw him he wasn't so put together.

"First waltz, okay boys?"

A small nod and then she went to the CD player with the iPod dock and started the melody. Without any warning Blaine took my hand and placed the other one on my waist, his eyes piercing into mine and slowly he began to move his feet and I let him lead me. Awesome, great, what else did I have to go through so this nightmare would finally end or make any kind of sense? If Santana would see me now, dancing with him while Rachel was watching us she would be laughing or forcing us to stop because this was anything but right.

I turned my head to see what Rachel looked like, but she was just smiling wathcing us closely and I hoped she wouldn't see it because damn, I already felt my heart racing and the heat crawling through my veins. His damn hands, his damn face, his whole being was too close and we were just dancing a waltz. A innocent waltz then what would it be like when we were dancing the freaking tango?

"Kurt, focus!"

"Jeez, yes," I groaned as she noticed I wasn't really into it. His hand held me stronger, his lead was more powerful but we still moved slowly and my eyes moved to his, seeing that he sneaked for my attention.

"Calm down, I'm not stupid."

"Yeah," I chuckled with sarcasm.

"I mean it. I won't do anything. Not with her around."

What the...? Anger crawled up my body and I leaned a bit closer to him, whispering: "You are an idiot. I hope you know that."

"Oh, so, you think you know me?"

Well, of course because he made it pretty clear about what he was caring. And he definitely didn't care about Rachel, or the wedding or what people might think.

"You know nothing, Kurt."

Nothing? Yeah, I knew nothing about his other life which he obviously had. The life were he had a boyfriend, was engaged and then broke up. The life were he owned a gay bar and had sex with me and didn't care about anything else. We pulled apart as the music ended and Rachel was clapping, her eyes shining and I wished someone would just shoot me.

"Very good! And now tango."

I shook my arms and legs, rolled my shoulders to try to calm myself down but I knew it wouldn't help as soon as we were dancing. Tango, fucking tango which meant we would be incredible close, right in front of Rachel, right in front of the person he was supposed to marry. Fucking great!

The music began, we standing towards each other and then Blaine came to me, grabbing my hands and waist and holding me too strong, to close, like it should be. Fast steps back, fast steps forward, he leaned me down in a circling move and back, close to his body. Our legs were touching, brushing and I knew it, I could feel my cock betraying me. His breath was so close, his forehead almost touching mine and my fingers ran into his hair, like it fucking should be! Why was he so good at that? And why did I know how to dance this stupid dance? Again he moved forward, his hands on my back, holding me safe and I bent down with him, feeling his lips brushing my cheek. This fucking idiot needed to do that exactly at that moment when Rachel wouldn't see it from her angle. My eyes grew wide but he didn't smile, didn't made any sassy expression and it... surprised me. He wasn't teasing, he wasn't playing, he was serious. What the hell was happening now?

With struggles I was following his steps, letting him lift me up, letting him lead me while I looked into his eyes with a thousand questions. Something changed, something was different but I couldn't say what.

The song slowly found his end, we breathing fast, following the last steps and then we stopped, my hands in his hair, our foreheads against each other and our eyes hanging on the other ones lips. God, I wanted to kiss him but it wasn't right, not here, not while things were like this.

"Amazing boys!" Rachel cheered and I was back in the reality. As fast as I could and trying not to be suspicious I let off of Blaine and fixed my suit and hair, like Blaine while he was watching me.

Somewhere in my ears I heard a phone ringing, knowing it wasn't mine and then Rachel said something about that she'll be right back and as soon as the door was closed with a – for me – too loud noise Blaine came back to me, closing the space between us and kissing me with everything he had. Oh god, my head began to spin, my knees became weak and for one second I kissed him back because... damn, how could I not? His lips were so soft, so warm and I was addicted to him, no matter how hard I tried to deny this. I wished he wasn't engaged, I wish he was free, that we met each other under different circumstances. I wished it would be different and that he wouldn't hurt Rachel with what he was doing. Rachel... As sanity came back to my mind I shoved him away from me, staring at him and panting.

"Stop it!"

"I thought that's what you want?"

"Not like this, Blaine. You are engaged, with my friend, with Rachel and I'm the one who is planning your wedding, remember?"

He shrugged again, his hands sliding into the pockets of his pants and it made me furious. How could he shrug everything off so easily? How could he just pay so much attention to what he, we, were actually doing? We were hurting people, we were doing the wrong thing and he just...

"There is always an option and after the wedding I can say that I want a divorce."

"Are you serious?" I said in disbelief.

"Of course. Now I can't just..."

That was too much for me, far too much because I couldn't believe what he was saying. He wanted to marry her and then dissolve their marriage? When and why? Because he thought we could be a thing? Because he truly thought I wanted to be with him in that way? With someone like him? No fucking way I wanted to be together with a jerk. Not as long my sanity was by my side.

"Hey, wait! Where are you going?"

"Away from you, away from this joke of a wedding, away before I lose the ability to think coherent."

"But..."

"No but, Blaine! I'm not talking to you, until you got your shit straight," I turned around to him after I took my bag from the chair where I left it: "I'm a wedding planner and I believe in the meaning of marriage. Which is making a significant bond between two people who love each other. Which is seeing, two people who would do everything for the other, exchanging vows, promises in front of people they love and want to share their love with them. It means that you love your partner, you trust him, you want to be forever with him. Because this person completes you and without this person you aren't complete. It's not a joke for me, okay? Don't marry someone when you don't mean it!" I yelled at him and left the building.

* * *

Friday evening as I came back home I fell into my bed and my head hurt so bad I was sure I would get sick. I already felt my nose was blocked, how my throat began to hurt and my body was just so weak that I literally crawled into my bed and snuggled into the covers. I was so tired, so exhausted I wanted a break, I needed a break from all of this. So I called Santana, told her I wouldn't come on Monday and instead visit a doctor. She asked me if I needed something but I told her I was fine and that I would mail her what needed to be done the next week. Yeah, I really wanted a week free so I could stay in my bed and watch old movies, bad TV and eat and drink whatever I wanted. I also called Rachel and told her that I was off for a week and wouldn't be there to help her, and that she should call Santana or Mercedes if she needed anything. Luckily Rachel didn't say anything else but wished me to get well soon. With a groan I buried my face into my pillows and took a deep breath – which hurt like shit. I was sorry for yelling at Blaine, I was sorry for Rachel, I was ashamed and confused. In the end all this reminded me of Peter and how he treated our engagement – that's why I actually yelled at Blaine. Peter did the same thing. His proposal was sweet and beautiful and well planned and it was ironic that Rachel and Blaine would get married in the bathhouse were Peter asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes and I was so happy that day I never felt this happy ever again. I sighed and stood up, with a blanket around my body, wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, trying not to think about the past and went to the kitchen. All my gratefulness was dedicated to Carole who send me a package with tea and stuff against headache, colds and stuff. She knew how busy I was and that I didn't care about me at times. While I waited for the water I took out a two mugs and two teabags making sure I had enough to drink so I didn't need to stand up twice.

The doorbell rang and I only raised my eyebrows, checking the time and was even more confused. It was almost 1 in the morning and it was Friday night. With a huff and clearly not wanting any company now I went to the door and opened it just to find... Blaine?

"Hey," he said, holding a plastic bag with food and tea and some medication?

"Blaine, I said I don't want to see you until you," I coughed, sniffed and spoke on: "until you got your stuff straight."

"I know and I'm here to apologize."

Apologize? Blaine Anderson? Not convinced I stared at him, tired, weak and only wanted to go back to my bed already.

"I bought you this. Rachel told me you are sick and I know the others are busy. They are talking with Rachel about the next week and what needs to be done."

"And you think being here is better than helping you future wife?"

His eyes were big, pleading, apologizing and damn those eyes!

"Fuck," I groaned, rubbed my eyes and took a step back to let him in.

He smiled, came inside, slipping out of his shoes and looked around. Oh, yeah, I remembered he never had been here before, so I went to the kitchen and let him take his time to judge my not so fancy apartment. It was old, filled with books in shelves, pictures and furniture, not like Blaine's. Whatever, I thought and minded my own business witch was filling the mugs with hot water.

"Wait, I can do that you should go to bed."

"I'm not dying, I have a cold or something," I didn't want his help.

"Stop being stubborn, okay? Let me help you."

Well, at some point he owned me that after the mess he made which was called my life. With my weak legs and pounding head I crawled back into my soft, warm bed and grabbed a tissue from the box on my nightstand while some stupid reality show was playing on the TV.

"Do you eat in your bed!?" he called from the kitchen.

"I'm not hungry!" I called back which turned out to be a mistake because I began to cough. Damn, my throat hurt so bad.

"You are eating! Otherwise you won't be well soon!"Oh God, like who did he think he was? My mother? My babysitter? God! I wished I could just fall asleep and forget everything for a while but with Blaine here I was a but afraid to close my eyes. Nevertheless I let him in, what probably meant that I trusted him... kind of.

He came into my bedroom, holding a tablet with the two mugs, two boxes with Chinese food and the plastic bag with the medication hanging down on his arm. I moved back so that I was sitting and leaning against my headboard and watching him as he placed the tablet on the small table next to the window. First he took the two mugs and placed them on my nightstand, were the small lamp was burning and then he took the plastic bag, putting it down next to my feet until he took the two boxes with food and gave me one. It was new, somehow strange to see him acting like this. Like someone who actually cared about something, like someone who didn't care about the time or what day it was just to make sure I was okay.

"Did Rachel send you here?"

"No."

Okay,wow, he actually was here because he wanted to and it made me wonder, maybe, I wasn't so wrong about him. Maybe everything that happened was really just acting? Hiding something? If yes, then why did he such terrible things to me? Why did he say stuff that was confusing? I mean, okay, the sex was something we both wanted, but everything else?

"Um, thanks for... all this."

"You're welcome," he smiled, shoved the chair next to my bed, sitting down and he began to eat. His eyes were focused on the TV, his lips quirked to a small smile while he because something funny happened and again, he confused me. He was just sitting there, eating, watching something with me in one room like it was something normal, something familiar and for the first time I actually saw him. Not the sassy Blaine, no diva, no charming prince, no teasing idiot, just Blaine. How I knew that? Because he looked real, he looked comfortable with himself and not like something fake. Probably it was always that what bothered me so much, that he was so unreal to me but still he did something with me, moved me, my heart, my dreams and made me fall in love with him.

Holy shit!

I swallowed hard as the thought crossed my mind. Love? No! I didn't know him, so I couldn't be in love with him! Suddenly my food was really interesting and I kept myself busy with eating. We ate in silence, watching the stupid show I still didn't figure out what it was and after we were done with our food he took the box out of my hands and went to the kitchen to throw it into the bin and came back, taking the plastic bag into his hands.

"I brought you some painkiller and something for your nose and throat. And you should drink a lot. I mean, you probably know that but... yeah, here."

He handed me the plastic bag and looked at me with wide eyes and something like worry in his face? Sniffling I took the bag from him and picked out the medication to take on of those painkillers and placed the other stuff next to my mug.

"You said you wanted to apologize?"

"Yes... well I was thinking about what you said to me the past days and... you are right." he explained and sat down at the edge of my bed, next to me.

Oh well, that was interesting, so I made myself comfortable, holding the blanket around my shoulders closer to my body and eying him with curiosity.

"I don't want to marry her and if I could I would stop this. But I can't and I thought I made it clear that I really like you and that I want to be with you."

"What?" I blurted out, almost with a chuckle and couldn't believe my ears. He tried what? Making me understand that he wanted me? How? With acting like a diva? With treating me like he made fun of me? With showing me that he actually didn't care what he was doing with his actions?

"I can safely say that I never thought you wanted that. Honestly you gave me the worst impression of who I thought you are."

"Re... really?"

He was as much surprised as I was and somehow I thought this was really... cute. Who knew that he could be actually cute.

"I thought maybe you would see how much I wanted you and that I didn't want this wedding to happen. But... as I can see I failed at doing this."

He hung his head, like a kicked puppy and although I felt sorry for him I was relieved. For almost two months I was doubting my own mind, wondering if I just made stuff up and saw what I wanted to see, like I was searching for a reason to just stop this wedding and give myself a chance to be with him. But I thought he was straight, then that he was an idiot, a jerk and now... now he just looked insecure and kind of broken to me.

"You didn't fail completely. I somehow knew that you didn't want to get married. I never saw a man caring so less about his own wedding like you do."

He smiled with a sigh and nodded: "I really don't want to. But I have to do it."

"You have to?"

"That's all I can say about this matter. Otherwise I would put you into a lot of trouble."

"Okay, then, what about Rachel?"

"She'll be fine. I promise. No harm will happen to her."

For some seconds I was just looking at him, reading his face but I saw nothing that made me doubt his words. However, it didn't change the fact that things were okay now because they were not.

"What about you?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I sniffled and took a tissue to clean my nose.

"Do you... do you want to be with me? Or was it just.. for fun?"

Actually this was a good question. Everything that happened wasn't just for fun, not with Blaine. Of course I had some one-night-stands in the past but this was different. I really liked him and I really wanted to be with him, especially if this was the real Blaine sitting next to me. It was just... the situation we were living in wasn't the best and I didn't understand what he meant by, Rachel was fine that nothing would happen to her.

"I... I think I need to see the real you. You were trying too hard that I really thought you were a jerk."

"I'm sorry, Kurt."

"It's fine, like I said I somehow knew something was fishy. I just... I want to be with you but... things are not ideal right now."

Blaine nodded, his eyes flicking to my hands and then he reached out for it, holding it gently and saying in almost a whisper: "I want you to know me, the real me. I'm not that bad I was, like you said, probably trying to hard."

"You were acting like a teenager on too many hormones, Blaine."

He laughed quietly.

"Yeah, I didn't know how to do it. But I want to fix it, from now on."

Oh God, this sounded like heaven to me if things were different.

"What about the wedding?"

"It will happen like we planed it."

"And Rachel won't happen any harm?"

"No, I promise."

I somehow couldn't see how Rachel would get out of this without any harm. She loved Blaine, she was so passionate about this wedding, she wanted everything to be perfect. How on earth was she fine if Blaine planed on leaving her anyway?

"I really can't tell you everything about this wedding. I don't want to cause you any trouble. But I want you to trust me when I say, everything will be fine. Rachel will be fine."

I looked at our hands, how good they looked together, how good they fit together and I really wished I could hold his hand like I wanted to hold it. Him as my boyfriend.

"So what we'll be in a secret relationship and you'll be cheating on your future wife with me?"

"No. I won't be cheating on anybody."

Okay, wow, that was crazy. How was it no cheating when he was ready to be with me and at the same time with Rachel? That was cheating.

"I said Rachel will be fine. Please, Kurt, I really don't want you to be part of something that could cause you a lot of trouble. All I want is to be with you, to show you who I am and that I can make you happy. I promise we do nothing wrong."

My head was pounding, my brain felt like it would explode any minute and I knew, I could think for ours, for days or even weeks I would make the same stupid, idiotic decision I made right now.

"Those painkillers must be doing something to me that I really agree on this."

"So you trust me?" he said with a lot of hope in his voice.

"I must be fucking stupid, but yes."

He squeezed my hand, stood up and then bent down to me, his beautiful face coming closer to mine and then he whispered: "You aren't stupid. You are gorgeous."

After that he kissed me gently and I really wanted to call this our first real kiss, because right now I felt something different then just lust and need. There were feelings, strong feelings and it turned me into a puddle of goo.

"You'll get sick," I breathed after he pulled back and heard him chuckle.

"I don't care. But now you really need to sleep, okay?"

With a nod I gave in and moved to the side, making enough space for him and he smirked while I rolled my eyes.

"No funny business. I'm sick like you know."

"Of course not."

He undressed himself, only his cardigan and his socks and crawled into my bed, stretching his arms out and waiting for me to snuggle closer. Jesus, he could be so adorable it was almost unreal. Everything was kind of unreal. The trust I put into him, agreeing on this although I knew nothing but I trusted him. I, the one who always made sure to know everything before I decided to do something. Whatever, I wasn't in the mood to ask more and frankly, my head hurt far too much to actually think about anything at all. So I lay down, on his chest and wrapped my arms around him, while he held me close, comfortable and calmed me down, so much I was sure I would fall asleep withing seconds.

"Thank you," was the last thing I heard, his lips in my hair was the last thing I felt and then I fell into a deep, long sleep.


	8. Pokerface

Chapter 7. Pokerface

There was no need to lie to myself, because, yeah, I was curious why the hell Blaine was so sure about it, that what we were doing wouldn't hurt Rachel. And also there was this thing with his ex boyfriend, or so the gossip magazine said. If it was true or not, I didn't know. After four days of just sleeping and doing nothing I was glad that I could finally think properly. Sure I missed those days of doing nothing because those were the days I got to know the real Blaine Anderson. How I knew he was the real Blaine Anderson? It was is whole appearance that told me this. He looked comfortable and pleased with himself, he wasn't looking like he wore too tight clothes, he wasn't looking like his brain was overworking. He was just himself, smiling, calm and helping me without me asking him to do so. He was gentle, sweet and made sure that I was fine. He made breakfast for me, lunch and dinner. Every morning there was a fresh tea on my nightstand and at night I just lay in his arms and fell in a peaceful sleep. He was only for two or three hours away and than came back to me, looking if I had everything and then he just sat on my bed, reading something while I slept or watching my guilty pleasure with me, Spanish soaps. They were predictable, they were over dramatic and Blaine always made an noise like he couldn't believe what was happening there or just rolled his eyes. But he never complained, he never asked me to turn it off. No, he just held me, stroking my hair, giving me small kisses on my head from time to time and it just felt so, so good. I never wanted to stop what we had. He even changed my bedsheets. So, I never asked what he told Rachel when he was at my place, I never asked if he had to work or anything else to do. Because he was there with me for almost 24 hours. I never thought I could get used to this domestic life again. After Peter and I broke up I never lived with anyone longer than a two days together. But with Blaine it was different, it was like I imagined it to be. Maybe it was wrong to give myself into this life, into this illusion, because that's it what it was. An illusion for six days and as soon as I would return to work, I had to face reality.

So the seventh day came and with him my mood fell. I knew Blaine didn't need to be here anymore, I knew I had to let him go and be back at work the next day. Facing what was still there, the wedding, Rachel and their families and I found the strength to do it because I trusted Blaine. Which was still crazy for me, because I couldn't figure out why he was sure, nothing bad would happen.

No, I didn't want to think about it the last day with him. I wanted to enjoy this day and then, as soon as I would meet Santana again and hear what happened while I was sick I wanted to think about this. There was also the thing that I couldn't really say what Blaine would do, or to be more clear, how he would act around Rachel and his family while I was there too.

Whatever.

"You look better. Much more better," he said to me as we were sitting on my bed, fresh sheets under us.

"I feel better, thanks to you," I answered as he ran his hand up and down my back, slowly. I closed my laptop after checking my e-mails and luckily there were no bad news, thanks to Santana and Mercedes who always did an awesome job when I wasn't around. I was really blessed with my work and with the people working for me.

"I saw that you have a lot of books about Europe. You've been there?"

"Sadly no, but I want to. I actually planned to take a break for a year after the wedding. With the money I get from the wedding it will be possible for me. I already talked with Santana about it and she'll be the boss while I'll be gone."

"A whole year?"

Oh, right... I had a boyfriend now.

"Yeah, well... that was my plan before I met you," I gazed at Blaine with insecurity: "I mean, it still is but... you know. Now that we kind of together."

"Not kind of, Kurt. We are."

"Yeah, well, I'll say that when you are really free," I wanted to say mine but it sounded too possessive and we weren't that long together – we were only for a week together for gods' sake: "Anyway. Now it's different but I definitely will do it."

"I can come with you. I can take a break for a year."

Yeah, Blaine was somehow lucky. He had his own bar and the people who were working for him and was part time working for his parents. Modeling for them. But actually he didn't need to do that because after his grandfather died he got all his money which was, to say, enough to live.

"There is still enough time to think about it," was all I had to say about this matter and leaned back, against my headboard and took my mug with coffee – finally I could drink coffee again without feeling like I would puke any minute – and took a sip.

"You don't trust me? You don't want me to go with you?" he asked, moving closer and sitting next to me so we could see the face of the other clearly.

"That's not what I was saying, Blaine."

"No, but it does sound like that."

Slowly I raised an eyebrow and stared at him for a while, his smile was gone and his expression became unreadable. I wondered if he actually understood that we were only together for a week, only got to know each other and that there were so many things speaking against us. Maybe he was just crazy about me – yeah, as if – or maybe he was fooling me, or maybe he simply didn't understand anything.

"Blaine, you can't expect from me to trust you completely when I don't even know what is going on. And I know you said you can't tell me it because you don't want to pull me into some trouble. But you have to understand that I also try to protect myself. I'm tired of lies and games when it's about someones feelings."

Blaine tilted his head, watching me closely and I looked back, quizzically. Was it such a surprise for him that I thought that way? I mean he wasn't stupid and he probably would do the same, right? Or not, I couldn't expect that each person would react the way I did. Furthermore he knew nothing about Peter and me and why it was so hard for me to even put trust into someone I was emotionally closer than I ever could be with a friend. Giving myself away, for him, completely meant that he could break my heart and under the circumstances it was even more possible than with Peter. Here I could basically guess, see that it could happen any time, while being with Peter it never came to my mind that it would break one day. It never looked like this. Or probably I was to naive with my 22 years to actually see it. Now 3 years later I wasn't that naive anymore, I was guarded but still trying to be open enough so I wouldn't scare people away.

"All I can do is tell you that you can trust me, convince you but I can't force you and I won't. Whatever you decide to think or to do I have to accept it," he sighed and I saw that it hurt him and somehow I felt sorry but I didn't want to lie or fool him.

"It needs time, Blaine. I was watching you the last week and I believe that this is the real you."

He smiled sadly at me.

"But it doesn't change the fact that you'll get married with my friend and what we do now is wrong."

"Then I won't marry her if that's what you want."

This was a new tone for me. Some days ago he told me he had to marry her because of whatever reason. And now it just felt like I gave him no choice as to stop it because only so he would get all my trust and myself. It didn't feel right.

"That's not what I want," well, yeah of course I wanted this but I wouldn't force Blaine: "I just like to know what is going on because I'm basically blind, doing something that is utterly stupid because I want to be with you. And that's just not me. I want to know everything before I decide to do something."

Blaine hung his head, his fingers fumbling with the hem of his pants and his lips pressed to a thin line. Watching him for a while in silence I understood that, whatever he couldn't tell me was something that bothered him, made him uncomfortable. He looked guilty, he looked unsure and than I couldn't take it any longer because I didn't want to see him like this. I placed my mug on my nightstand, moved closer so that I was facing him, our knees touching and leaned forward to kiss him. He kissed me back, lightly and then our eyes met.

"I trust you Blaine. I trust you in treating me right and that you are not lying to me. But I can't trust you when it's about this wedding because I don't understand what is happening. And if I have to chose between you and Rachel I would chose Rachel."

"I understand that, Kurt. I understand it, really. But I know, if I tell you what is going on you could lose everything and I don't want that."

I observed his face, his eyes and I saw he was honest and he really did this to protect me from whatsoever. I closed my eyes, exhaled and took his hands into mine.

"Will you tell me about it someday?"

"As soon as I can, I promise."

And then I smiled at him, giving him some sureness that I wasn't mad or anything. All I did is protecting myself and Blaine understood why, so for now I had to live with how things were.

"Thank you," he smiled back and kissed me again. This time though he didn't pull back and neither did I. First we kissed gently, then my tongue dipped against his lips and with a smile Blaine opened his mouth and my hands went down to his shirt to pull it over his head. I touched his bare chest, feeling the warm skin under my fingers and I really missed this feeling. It was soft but also masculine and when I felt his fingers unbuttoning my shirt I hummed against his lips and we both smiled.

"Just no hard sex this time, okay? I'm still a bit weak."

"You like it hard?" he asked in a whisper and my shirt fell to the floor.

"Sometimes," I answered, moving and Blaine moved with me: "But not now. I just want to be close to you before we go back to plan your wedding."

"We don't need to have actual sex, we can only touch if that's what you want."

I was laying on my back, my head between the pillows and for one second a thought crossed my mind. Actually it was absurd to ask that or even think about that and it made me super uncomfortable but... I couldn't help asking.

"Do you sleep with Rachel? I mean... do you care about if you sleep with a guy or a girl?"

Why the fuck didn't I ask him this yet?

Blaine chuckled, bent down to kiss me sweetly and stroked my hair back: "I'm gay. And no I didn't sleep with her."

"I bet you have a lot of excuses to make up?"

He lay down, feeling his weight on my body and his half hard cock made me gasp.

"Maybe," was all he said and we were kissing again, my legs open so he could lay between them and move his hips down on mine. It didn't take long and we were rutting against each other, kissing with tongue and teeth, our hands sliding through the hair of the other, or over the exposed skin, leaving burning marks. It felt so much better then the last time, I felt closer to him and not like a horny idiot who wanted to have sex with him because I really wanted to sleep with him. This time we were just slow, exploring and I enjoyed each touch, each new noise he made and I wished this would never end.

I kissed his shoulder as his lips were kissing my neck, sucking at my pulse where he could feel my heartbeat and while we were doing this my hand moved down to open his pants. He smiled against my skin, moaned quietly as I took his hard cock in my hand and then he opened my pants, doing the same to me.

"Is this okay? Or do you want more?" he breathed into my ear.

"This is just fine, don't stop."

No, I didn't feel like having actual sex with him therefore this was more then enough for me. Only feeling the weight of his cock in my hand, pre-come leaking out, his moans, his whimpers, his voice vibrating against my skin. Jesus, I wasn't any better. Our cocks were slick with pre-come so Blaine moved his hand away, kissing my jaw, cheek and then finally my lips and moved his hips down again. Holy shit! I took my hand back, wrapping my arms around his back and holding him close, our cocks aligned, or hips moving to get the friction we needed and it didn't take long I felt already the heat building in my abdomen, feeling how close I was and judging my Blaine's noises he was close too.

"Oh fuck..." I moaned and came, my eyes rolled back to the back of head and Blaine came right after me, holding me almost too strong. My legs gave in, laying flat on the bed, feeling the come between our bodies slowly drying and my breathing slowed down.

"Shower?" he asked, kissing my neck while my hand ran up and down his with sweat covered back.

"Sounds good," I smiled and kissed his shoulder.

* * *

No matter how often I told myself I could deal with my work, with seeing Blaine and Rachel together, wearing a fake smile, a pokerface I realized, as soon as I went inside my agency it would be harder. So much harder.

"Kurt!" I heard Mercedes and found her standing in the corridor to our offices.

"Hey," I smiled and we hugged each other.

"One more day with Santana being the boss and I would go insane."

I laughed and we both went to my office.

"Was it so bad? Your mails sounded different."

I left my bag on my desk and eyed the post on it. Sitting down I checked it and listened to Mercedes.

"No work was fine we are almost done with planning Rachel's wedding. But you know Santana."

I chuckled and noticed, although I was nervous as fuck and insecure to meet Blaine with Rachel and their families it felt good to be back here. I really loved my job and the people around me and I couldn't think of something else I wanted to be and to do.

"You only need to meet their families because Rachel wanted you to be there and take a look at the dresses for the bridesmaids and one last look at the decoration."

I nodded slowly, going through the calender in my mind and knew the decoration would be the last point on the list. A day before the wedding. Ugh, I felt sick thinking about it.

"So," she began and I heard by her voice that she wasn't talking about work anymore: "You were alone? Or did someone took care of you? I know I wasn't there or Finn or Santana."

"No I was alone. I just had a cold and slept a lot," I lied.

"No secret boyfriend? I know you are unable to do something on your own when you are sick, sweetie."

I really hoped that, whenever Blaine wasn't with me he made sure to be with Rachel so that Mercedes and Santana saw him.

"No. Like I said I slept a lot."

We looked at each other and I tilted my head as she was basically trying to look inside my head and then gave in.

"You should really go out from time to time. You are such a catch and you deserve someone."

Yeah, well, I actually found someone who was engaged, with my friend.

* * *

As I drove to the central park to meet Blaine and Rachel at the boathouse I took my time to calm myself down. My hands held the wheel, my eyes focused on nothing and for one second I really thought about to drive back to my agency, or apartment and do nothing. I wasn't sure if I could trust myself, I wasn't sure if I could act normal around Blaine while Rachel was there and – holy shit – their parents. I hoped I wouldn't smile stupidly, I hoped I wouldn't say or do something that was suspicious. I mean, it's not the first time that I was at some point attracted to someone who was about to get married because I met so many men in my job... just this time I actually had some serious feelings, I had sex with Blaine, I was together with Blaine and I wished I could have him for myself. Exhaling I climbed out of the car, walking through the park to the boathouse and they were already there, well dressed and a huge smile on their faces. Rachel waved her hand, her dads giving me a warm smile and Blaine's parents too and Blaine... the moment our eyes met, the moment he smiled at me sadly I forgot why I was here and that there were other people with us. Exactly what I wanted to avoid happened. I thought about going away with him, leaving the others there and enjoy a walk through the park, hand in hand and smiling like idiots. But we couldn't.

"Hello, Kurt," Rachel's dads greeted me and we shook our hands, same happened with Blaine's parents. Rachel hugged me and Blaine gave me his hand and my mind was already wandering back to the things his hand could do to me.

I told them to follow me and as soon as we were inside the huge room they walked around and observed everything while I sat at a table and checked my calender. On Thursday I would meet Rachel and the bridesmaids and I realized it was already mid August, only one month left till the wedding. The decoration was set one day before the wedding and the same week – oh fuck – vows. I had to meet them for their vows? What the hell? When did I agree on something like that? Groaning I closed my calender and leaned back, watching their parents walk along the veranda and then I turned around, to the empty space where they would dance and celebrate their wedding, and where Blaine and Rachel where standing. His arm was around her shoulder, while she said something to him and I had to admit, they looked good together but for me it was just a torture. Everything was a torture and it would be like this I didn't know for how long. Seeing them holding hands, kissing on the cheek, smiling and being just a couple... I slowly realized how much more it hurt than before. They could be like that no matter where they were while I and Blaine had to hide. We couldn't do what they were doing and it was just unfair. I hid myself in the past and promised myself I would never do this again. I told myself I would be myself and not pretend to be someone I wasn't. So I wondered what crazy thought, what on earth gave me the strength even made me do this. Sure, Blaine was everything I wanted I knew this especially after those days with him. But I wasn't sure if it was worth it, if we would make it because it hurt, so bad. Maybe Rachel wouldn't be the one who got hurt in the end... but I was hurt.

As they turned around I made myself busy, checking my phone and heard Rachel walking away and saw from the corner of my eye that Blaine was walking up to me.

_Please... not now. _

"I'm sorry," he said, bending down to me, pretending he was watching my phone while the screen was black.

"It's okay," I lied, not looking at him and felt him kissing my cheek, knowing he made sure no one saw us.

It hurt but I had to pretend I was okay.

* * *

I didn't go to check the dresses for the bridesmaids, I asked Mercedes to do it because I honestly didn't want to see Rachel and hear her dreaming about the wedding. I called her and said that I was sorry but I had something else to do and Mercedes would do a far more better job than me. She agreed asked and I was glad that I didn't have to fine more excuses to convince her. I met them both for dinner, or to check some little things but that was all. It was enough for me to see them in each fashion, gossip or whatever magazine. Reading that it would be an awesome wedding, reading that I was the one who was planning the wedding – which caused a wave of calls in my agency and we were really busy – so I was working and busy and it felt good. Blaine always called me when he could, asking me to meet, to just hang out but I made sure we met in public so we couldn't do anything but just got to know each other better. He never talked about his parents, he never mentioned his ex and I didn't even think asking him this. I just wanted to be with him and those moments were good and made me feel good and forget about this stupid wedding. But it never felt real or right.

I wondered what his parents thought about the wedding and Rachel. They knew he was gay, right? And those rumors about his ex were true, right? Each evening I ended up on my couch, thinking about that. It didn't fit with all the other things I knew about Blaine and made this whole wedding even more suspicious. He said he couldn't tell me why he had to marry her but I was sure it had something to do with his parents. Why marry someone who's parents have also a famous fashion line? Why marry someone who wasn't a guy? Blaine didn't seem to be that kind of a person who would do something like that, not only because he was gay and had a bad taste in creating knew clothes, but it wasn't Blaine. When we were alone he was always gentle, caring and talking about how he loved his bar and enjoyed singing there just for fun. He told me about his dream, that he actually wanted to become a journalist and write about stories about people. He even studied journalism but he never applied for a job because he had money, he didn't need more. So he ended up working for his parents as a model and owning a bar. Which, I thought, was sad. I lived my dream and it made me happy and Blaine just didn't.

Nothing really fit and I wondered what it was that caused everything else. Because the way Blaine talked about people and how much he loved to write about them and share their wonderful stories made it clear for me, that he really loved doing that, even as a hobby. Compared to the way he talked about to model for his parents fashion made it really clear for me that he didn't like that. And while I thought about this each evening I only ended up in having a head ache and realizing it was all such a mess, so confusing that I wasn't sure if it was worth it. If it ever would be like I wanted it to be.

Saturday evening I was still in my office, sending some mails and just staying away from my apartment. Santana talked about visiting me and celebrating all the new orders we had together with Mercedes and Finn but I wasn't in the mood and tried to hide. I closed my laptop, took the glass of wine and drank it up, thinking about where else I could go. Of course I could go to Blaine and sleep there but I wasn't sure if Rachel was there and even if it was a good idea to do so. The past days I had to try hard not to ask Blaine about his parents or his ex and waited for him to tell me about it. If the gossip magazine was telling the truth then he would tell me about it. If it was only lying and no one noticed this or knew about this – or simply forgot – I didn't want to be the one to begin this rumor. Because of Blaine and also because of us. We already couldn't spent as much time together as we wanted to and like Blaine I didn't want to put him into some trouble. However, I needed to know it, at least about his parents to find some kind of sense in this whole mess. That's why I took my phone and in the moment I held it it began to vibrate.

Blaine 9:23pm:

My place? I made dinner and I'm alone.

I couldn't help myself but smile because this silly man made me happy. Sometimes it was enough to just sit with him, talk and share some time together. Then there were moments when my head thought too much and made me doubt. But I knew, I would go back to him and it was crazy that I stopped denying it that, after more than two months being around him and being able to call him mine at some point I really liked him. Maybe even loved him and whenever I thought that I wanted to slap myself in the face.

Kurt 9:24pm:

I'll be right there.

Blaine 9:25pm:

You better hurry it's getting cold here.

Kurt 9:26pm:

I hope you still talking about food.

Blaine 9:27pm:

I guess you need to find it out.

I only rolled my eyes, took my bag and left my office. It was always so strange to find my agency this quiet. Usually I would hear Mercedes talking with someone over the phone or Santana groaning about something or them all just laughing and working. It was almost a bit scary so quiet it was here. Yeah, I thought it was because I heard a noise from the corridor to our parking lot. I stood still, looking to the left, then straight on where I wanted to go and then to the right where the noise came from. Maybe someone was still here? Or what if someone burgled? I pulled my phone out, typing 911 and walking down the corridor hearing some noises and I pressed my back against the wall to move my head forward and take a peek. First I saw nothing, just a dim light and then I saw two figures, two familiar figures, holding each other, the one of them standing on tiptoes and they were... Holy shit! Holy fucking shit!

I turned away, making sure they couldn't hear me, couldn't see me and sneaked out of the building. What the hell was going on? What... just... the fuck!?

Why were Finn and Rachel kissing!? In my agency? In the corridors we used to walk down? Why was Rachel kissing him when she was about to marry Blaine?! Or maybe it was Finn kissin her? Well she looked like she wanted it! What the hell was going on?


	9. Truth

Chapter 8. Truth

I had no idea for how long I sat in my car, parking before Blaine's apartment and staring at nothing. In my mind I always saw them kissing, Finn and Rachel kissing, holding each other close and acting like it was nothing special. Well, it had been nothing special if Rachel wasn't fucking engaged with Blaine and I was the one who felt guilty, who felt so much shame being with Blaine although it was wrong. And she? I wondered for how long she was doing this and I wondered why Finn didn't tell me about it. Well, of course, she probably told him not to do so. Oh god, I felt anger. I was so angry about Rachel like never before in my life. She had a perfect pokerface, she made me believe she really loved Blaine and wanted this wedding and now?

With an angry snort I climbed out of my car and walked into the building. Oh, this was great, really. Now we could just stop this wedding because neither Blaine nor Rachel where honest and so the whole wedding was pointless, right? Or maybe Blaine knew about this and that's why he said Rachel won't get hurt?

As I left the elevator I knocked against the door – maybe a bit too hard – and waited impatiently until he finally opened it. There was a wide smile on his face which faded as soon as he saw the anger in my face.

"What happened?" he asked as I walked inside and took my shoes off, leaving my back on the floor and looking at him.

"Let's sit, okay? I'm still not sure what actually happened."

"O.. okay."

We walked to the kitchen where I saw two plates and something inside the oven but I couldn't care less. Blaine sat down on the chair next to the small table and I sat right beside him, my eyes wide and he stared at me, confused and not sure what to say. Well, there was no need to make a big speech or anything.

"I saw Rachel and Finn kissing."

And there was no surprise in his face, there was nothing that told me he totally had no clue about this. No he just breathed _oh_ and looked to the side.

"Oh? Don't tell me you knew about that."

Oh, well, that was fucking great if it was true. I was going crazy with all the shame I felt, with everything that was bothering me because I was hurting my friend and now...

"Not... exactly. Damn..."

"You better tell me what's going on or we are done."

He moved his head back to me, fast, eyes wide and than he grabbed my hands and squeezed them: "No, please. I don't want to break up."

And then I realized how unfair it was from me to say this. I scared him and he obviously cared a lot about me. Maybe more than I thought he would.

"Sorry," I tried to calm him down, leaned forward and kissed his lips to calm myself down too: "I'm just so confused and so angry because... I always felt so awful doing this although I want to be with you. And I know you said we wouldn't hurt her but still..."

Blaine nodded slowly, his thumbs stroking over the back of my hands and took a deep breath, exhaled and finally looked at me again.

"I call her, okay? And then I'll explain everything."

All I did was nodding and he left to the bedroom while I went to the sink, filled a glass with water. My mouth was fucking dry and my head began to hurt while I tried to answer everything with my own logic. Well, that wasn't easy but it was clear for me that not only Blaine but also Rachel didn't want this wedding to happen, at least it wasn't their idea. Of course not. Why should Blaine marry a girl when he was gay? And why would Rachel marry someone, she only knew for what? Five months? She and Finn weren't together for... the same time. I groaned and took a sip as Blaine came back, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

"She'll be here in some minutes."

I spitted my water into the sink, choked and stared at him with wide eyes.

"She... what?"

"She knows about us," he said, came to me and rubbed my back while I wiped the water off my mouth with my hand. That was... I had no idea what to think about this. All I had was Blaine, his words and my trust which broke even more knowing that Rachel knew about us. It felt like he was playing with me, like he was using me for something although I knew, deep down he wasn't doing that. But it scared me, everything I didn't knew and all I thought was, I didn't want to fall in love, deeply, honest and then be fooled again. And I was sure he saw it, he somehow saw how I felt although we didn't know each other for long, but he knew.

"Trust me, Kurt," he whispered, leaning his forehead against my shoulder: "I'm not playing with you."

And I wished I could trust him.

* * *

It was strange sitting in Blaine's living room like this. I was sitting next to Blaine, not even trying to keep any space between us – honestly, I needed him close – and Rachel sitting next to Finn towards us. My stepbrother looked like he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, Rachel was staring at Blaine and he stared back while my eyes switched between the three faces. Thursday, 10 past morning and I was sitting here in a pretty awkward situation.

"It wasn't smart to do this in public, Rachel. What if someone had seen you two?" it was Blaine who broke the silence.

"Excuse me? You were the one who kissed Kurt almost on stage in your bar," she objected and Blaine huffed, squeezing my hand he was holding.

I squeezed back, seeing him and Rachel looking annoyed and exhausted, while Finn rubbed her back and I still didn't understand anything.

"What if... you just explain to me what is going on," I asked after another time of silence. Seriously, seeing this, how much they were annoyed about each other while being around their parents and other people they looked like the perfect couple.

"So you don't know?" Finn asked me and another wave of anger ran through my body. Oh, great, fucking awesome. So everyone in this room knew what was going on but me? I glared at Rachel, then at Blaine and he squeezed my hand again, eyes wide and clearly terrified I would just stand up and go. Still, I didn't think Blaine would play with me, still I thought he did this to protect me. But there was also hurt and my trust was almost gone. It felt like I fooled myself, like I was so desperate to be with him and didn't care if he was actually good for me or not. He was just everything I wanted, everything I dreamed of with this huge shadow covering this beautiful side I got to know from him. And then I ended up questioning if I really knew him. It was a mess... a huge fucking mess and I needed answers.

"Okay," Rachel sighed and smiled at Blaine: "I'm sorry. I guess we are both just tired because soon it will be over."

"I'm sorry too, Rachel."

They smiled friendly at each other, like the friends I thought they were and Blaine turned his body to me, looking into my eyes, then to our holding hands and back to my eyes.

"Rachel and I met... almost a year ago at a fashion event. Our parents know each other very good and we talked about the troubles I'm in."

Troubles? I didn't know anything about Blaine being in trouble.

"And I decided to help Blaine," she continued and I looked confused.

"By marrying him?"

Without any answer she just stared at Blaine, waiting for him to explain and with a heavy sigh he looked back to me with apologetically eyes.

"I... was engaged a year ago but we broke up and with that I brought a lot of trouble for my parents."

Oh, yes, so the gossip magazine wasn't lying and Blaine was really engaged with a guy.

"His name is Cyrus and he is a designer. He and my parents were working together and later we got together and two years later we were engaged. Last year, before I broke up with him he was planning the next spring, summer and fall collection for this year, together with my parents. And... as I wanted to break up with him he said he will do anything to ruin my parents fashion line. But I couldn't be with him... I just couldn't."

Blaine's face, filled with guilt and hurt made my heart ache and so I leaned forward, kissing his temple and running my hand up and down his back to give him some comfort. I didn't care about Rachel or Finn because there was no reason to hide anymore. But, still it was unclear for me why he had to marry her.

"We met with my parents and made an agreement. If I was able to make a girl fall in love with me and marry her he would leave us alone and give us the rights for his ideas. If not, he would take everything away and ruin my family business. And then, I met Rachel."

Slowly nodding I understood what was going on, that Rachel was only helping Blaine, that they both were only acting – and this in a very convincing way – that this marriage wasn't real. It was just a way to help Blaine and his parents.

"Obviously I had no real choice but like... I'm not into girls I knew it wouldn't work out. So Rachel knew everything and wanted to help me."

"Yeah," she said: "Our families are friends and I love their fashion so I thought I help him. I'm sorry for Finn to got through this but... we had to be quiet. So we planned it fast and made sure to look authentic."

Blaine chuckled: "Well we were authentic."

"Yes, until you fell in love with Kurt," she snapped and Blaine turned red, like really red. Finn moved back, almost looking afraid by Rachel's expression and I only stared at Blaine, not believing what she just said. No, she was just interpreting too much into a... crush. Okay, maybe some kind of love, but not _this_ love.

"This... doesn't belong here, okay?" he mumbled.

"Of course it does. I helped you both to get out of your sad love life."

"Rachel, please," Finn said and I covered my hands over my face. Oh god... this wasn't happening. I never asked her to help me with this and frankly, I didn't want her to embarrass Blaine which she obviously did. Rachel huffed, leaned back and tried everything to be quiet.

"So, you two are getting married and then you'll divorce?" I asked.

"Yes. We thought about being married for two years to make it look real. Our parents know about that and do everything to support us. I'm just sorry, Finn, that you had to go through this," Blaine explained and looked at Finn.

"I understand what you are doing but I won't say I like it," Finn shook his head and looked for a second at me. I completely agreed with Finn and I was a bit mad at Blaine. He was sorry for Finn, he was sorry for Rachel and what about me? This was about the four of us and not just them.

"We should go now, Finn. Everything is said so far. Blaine can explain the rest to Kurt alone."

They left Blaine's apartment, the food was already cold and frankly, I wasn't hungry anymore. I just sat there on Blaine's couch and stared at Blaine, while he wrote some messages on his phone and as he was done with that he looked at me, his expression unreadable. He said nothing while I has a lot to say. Like why he let his ex do this to him, or why he even agreed on such a contract or if he would just give up and don't even try to fight. Especially how did he think about us? Did he really think that I would wait for him for two years? Well, yeah, I probably would because I was crazy about him, but two years of hiding? And what about Rachel and Finn? What about his will to fight against his ex? Blaine never seemed to be the guy who gives up easily. Actually he seemed to be one of those people who could do a lot and have a lot of influence on things. But he just didn't use it. And I saw it in Blaine's face, how much it bothered him that I knew about it, that I knew this wedding was nothing but a joke, that it was against everything I believed in.

"So," I broke the silence because I didn't want to talk about his ex or the wedding right now and Blaine neither judging by his face: "What did Rachel mean by until you fell in love with me."

Yeah, this was nice, this was something I wanted to know and think about. Everything else could come later because I was fucking exhausted and before I saw Rachel and Finn kissing, I was really happy to go here and be alone with him.

"By that she meant my behavior towards you," he sighed and took my hand, clearly looking more relaxed. Perhaps because I didn't began to talk about his ex or the wedding. Oh no, I hoped he wasn't thinking that I didn't care about that because I did, a lot.

"I was literally freaking out inside when I saw you and acted like an idiot around you because I didn't know what to do with myself."

"Because you wanted to follow your plan and I wasn't part of it."

Yeah, well, this sounded fucking bad and hurt. It felt like I was only some nice hobby, something that gave him what Rachel couldn't. Something... someone to fill this place no one else could and I even gave in and wanted the same. There was something between us, something about Blaine that made me wanting him all the time and at the same time I wanted to force him to stop the wedding, to be honest, to fight against his ex. But who was I to tell him this, to ask him for this. We only knew each other for two months and were together for two weeks.

"No, Kurt," Blaine breathed: "You do things to me no one else did. You make me feel something that I thought I knew but I was wrong. And... I don't want to let it go."

He kissed my cheek and wrapped his arms around my neck, which... oh. This felt different. He held me tight, close, kissing my neck not in a sexual way just like... like he wanted to make sure he wasn't lying. His body was tense, his skin cold – or I thought it was – and his heart was beating against my chest. Fast, heavy and all I did is holding him. I wondered why Blaine was like that. Was it because he knew it hurt me? Was it because he knew I still didn't trust him completely? Was it because he didn't want this to happen? Or maybe about his ex? Was there more than he told me?

"We should go to sleep, hm? It's been a long day."

He moved back, looking into my eyes and I swore I saw something there. Tears? But Blaine blinked it back so I wasn't sure.

"You... don't want to talk about this? You don't have questions?"

Oh hell yes, I had a lot of questions, I had a lot to say about Blaine, his ex and this whole situation. But not now. After those days watching him being all in love and couple-y with Rachel I wanted him for me. Just for me.

"I have. Of course I have questions but not today."

He was staring right into my eyes, quizzically like he couldn't believe it, like he waited for me to say it was a joke. Like... he thought I would go now and leave him. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to call him crazy but the truth was, I was crazy or something inside me was crazy enough to make me believe this was everything I wanted, needed and dreamed of. That I would be with him until the rest of my life and this scared me somehow. Probably I only thought this way because of the wedding because of all the planning, because sometimes I found myself imagining how my and Blaine's wedding would be. Jeez, it was so hard to separate fantasy and reality because I wanted it both.

"Actually I had other plans tonight," I sighed, pushed him back and gave him a smile so he would calm down and see I wasn't mad or anything. Blaine followed my instruction, sat down, his back against the backrest while I sat down on his lap, both legs beside his thighs. And Blaine went along with a pleased smile.

"Does this plan includes us being naked?" he asked while his hands ran slowly down my sides, grabbing my ass so I had to gasp. Oh yes, the plan included us to be naked. Blaine moved his head up and I came down to him, our lips melting together, gently, happy and getting hotter and hotter. He held my ass, pressing me down to his growing cock and I followed his hands and began to move slowly. Again I felt this heat in my body, this wonderful arousal, this need for more. No one else ever made me feel so much of it, no one else ever made me lose so much control over myself and making me give in. Only Blaine and I wondered how he did it.

"I get the lube," he whispered between kisses and with a nod I stopped moving and climbed off his lap. We both were smiling like idiots and Blaine made a small happy dance when he left the living room and I stared at the white, expensive couch. Blaine might had expensive stuff but when he was ready to make out with me here it meant that he didn't really care about such things, right? Well, I would but I would care more about him than about anything else. So while Blaine was in his bedroom I took my clothes off but my briefs and sat down, palming my half hard cock. No, I wasn't ashamed of just sitting there and doing this and I knew Blaine wouldn't mind. Actually he wasn't any better. As he came back he also only wore his briefs and his eyes along his smile grew wider. He rushed back to me, leaving the lube and condoms next to us and sat down on my lab. Smiling he leaned down, beginning to kiss me with everything he had and rocking down so our cocks were rubbing against each other. We were only doing this for some minutes, kissing, moving our hips and then I took a hold of Blaine's cock and began to stroke him through his briefs. He moaned in response and kissed my cheek, my earlobe and whispered, his forehead pressed against my temple: "I want you to fuck me."

"What?" I murmured, my eyes half closed because the thought of being inside of him made me almost come.

"I want you to do this... I... I want you to know what I would do for you."

Topping or bottoming, I liked both. Sometimes I wanted to be fucked and just take it and sometimes I wanted to fuck and give it. But when I slept with someone who meant something to me I was careful with what we were doing. The first time I slept with Blaine was only because I wanted him, I needed him to fuck me and have him just for one time in my life. Now it was different. Now I wanted this to mean something, to be a connection for us, a way to say things I couldn't say with words. And being the top, allowed to be inside of him meant I was the one who could hurt him more than he could hurt me. I was the one who took control now. I was the one who got so much trust from Blaine and gave him maybe half of it back. And judging by Blaine's words it meant something for him too. Maybe the same it meant for me.

"I think I know it," I said and began to kiss him again. I felt sorry that I didn't trust him. I felt sorry that I said all these things because I had no idea what was going on. But I was also angry. However, now this didn't belong here. Blaine stood up and took my briefs off, followed by his and finally we both were naked. God, I really loved seeing him naked. His tan skin, his small waist, his muscular arms. And his ass, god, his ass. He was just perfect for me.

Back on my lap Blaine began to kiss me again, holding my face while I took the lube and poured some on my fingers. I warmed it up, ran one finger up and down the crack of Blaine's ass and teased his hole until I pushed it inside slowly. He held my shoulders, almost too strong and moaned against my lips while he moved his ass with my finger so I could go deeper.

A second finger followed, a louder moan from his lips and it drove me crazy. His strong hold, his body moving in such a well known movement, fluent, trying to get more and more. A third finger and we were kissing again, hot, sloppy and fighting for dominance.

His hands left my shoulders and one reached out for the condom, his lips still on mine, his tongue still dancing with mine then I heard how he opened it, felt his fingers on my cock and I moaned into his mouth. The white leather hurt a bit on my skin because we were sweating, because he was still moving and I moved along with him. I felt the condom around my cock, heard the plop of the lube. I let Blaine do the rest, let him smear the lube on my cock, let him make sure it was everywhere and even if I tried to help him, he wouldn't let me.

"It will feel so good. Your cock is so big," he whispered and stopped moving. My fingers slipped out of his tight hole, held his hips and then he raised himself up, held my dick and moved down, slowly, the head of my cock pressing against his stretched hole and... holy fucking shit! Blaine was tight, hot and literally swallowing my dick inside his ass that I wasn't sure what turned me more on. The tightness, his low moan of pleasure or how he arched his body back, throwing his head back and still sliding down. His neck was just there, completely exposed to me showing me how he swallowed, his chest was rising up and down, the shape of his ribs, the muscles so clear, well formed... holy bloody hell.

"Oh Kurt... fuck."

The way he said my name, how his voice was only filled with arousal, with pleasure, so pleased. And his skin, god. I leaned forward, attacking his neck with my lips and sucking hard while we both began to move. God, this was good, the tight walls around my cock, the taste of his skin on my lips and tongue, the smooth burning skin under my fingertips feeling each breath, each vibration of his voice, each muscle.

"So good..." he moaned, his lips back on mine: "You feel so perfect inside me."

Holy fuck! He began to move faster, I did the same. Blaine was moaning louder, I did the same. We were moving fast, I tried to thrust as deep and fast as I could and then he took my hand, leading it to his cock and I began to stroke him to his orgasm. No it didn't take long and he was writhing in my arms, groaning my name while white hot stripes of cum covered my chest and belly. I came right after him, pulling him back down to me so I could moan against his lips, hold his shaking body and he held me.

* * *

It was almost 1:30am when we were laying in Blaine's bed, my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and his arms held me close, his lips kissed my forehead and his fingers were so gently drawing circles over my skin. I inhaled his scent, I snuggled closer to him and wanted more and more from this wonderful feeling only Blaine could give me. Oh yes, it was crazy and stupid perhaps... but I really, really began to love this guy. This wasn't just a crush, this was no phase, this was more and I wanted it. I wanted it but I couldn't have him... at least not the way I wanted to have him.

"Kurt?" Blaine whispered.

"Hmm?"

"You have to promise me something."

Oh? I moved my head off his chest, only leaning back a little so I could look into his eyes and see the worry there. Worry? Why was he worried? And promise something?

"And... what?"

My boyfriend sighed, kissed my lips gently and his honey-amber eyes looked right into mine, like he was trying to plant some thought into my mind or to read it.

"Please do never... never look for Cyrus or talk about that."

"Of course I won't do that."

I didn't get it. I had no idea how Cyrus looked like and I knew he couldn't know about this because it would put Blaine into trouble. Knowing Blaine was safe was important for me.

"You don't understand, Kurt," his voice was serious, calm and he still stared into eyes: "I told you this could be dangerous for you. I told you this could cause you a lot of trouble. Cyrus can do that. He can do things to people..."

Blaine stopped talking, sighed and kissed my forehead again.

"Just promise me you won't talk about this, or look for him or anything. Just act like you..."

"Like I'm just some wedding planner. Planning the wedding of a friend of mine."

And again I saw the hurt in Blaine's eyes, how he bit his lower lip and it was such a different picture of the Blaine I got to know at the beginning. There was no idiot, no diva, no crazy guy. There was no man acting like he had no idea what he was doing or teasing me. I liked this Blaine but I also missed the other one, the.. strong Blaine who didn't give up.

"You are more than that, Kurt. You know you aren't just a wedding planner. You are more," he held me close, almost too strong and kissed my cheek: "I told you... you do things to me... make me feel so many wonderful things I won't let you go."

And exactly this made me stay here. Exactly the same thing Blaine told me. There was something, he did something to me I couldn't let it go. I couldn't let him go but also... I couldn't be with him while things were like this.


	10. Vow

Thanks for all the reviews, it means a lot to me and is a huge motivation for each writer :)

* * *

Chapter 9. Vow

Knowing why they wanted to get married because of something like this bothered me a lot. More than I thought it would. It bothered me at the beginning because I had a crush on Blaine. Then because I thought he was a bad person and not good enough for Rachel. Then because he and I had sex together and I didn't want Rachel to marry a cheater and I was part of it. I felt so much shame, I was so disgusted with myself because I agreed on being with him even if he would get married and play this game. And now I knew why they really wanted to get married and also that Rachel was kind of still or back together with Finn. Actually this should have been enough for me to not feel like a bad person for wanting and being with Blaine. Well, I knew I wouldn't be fine with how things were.

I was a wedding planner and I really believed in the meaning of being married with someone. It had nothing to do with god or the church for me. I believed in this bond between to people. A bond of love, a promise of being together through good and bad times. A bond you don't share with anyone. Because you love each other, because you want this person to be a part of your life, to have a family, to make it official. Obviously the wedding of Blaine and Rachel was nothing like that. It was just an agreement between friends and their families to avoid trouble. It was like... running away.

I wanted to talk with Blaine about that, I wanted to tell him what I thought and what he maybe could do instead of getting married. But there was always something that made me shut my mouth and say nothing. Like... Blaine and I weren't that long together so I felt like I had no say in that matter nor was our bond so strong that it made me 100% sure we would be together for a long time. Actually my heart screamed at me that he was the one, that I would never find someone like Blaine for me, while my sanity screamed I should wait and see. And sometimes it screamed I should stop this and use the following two years differently and not in a secret relationship. But I obeyed that part. I wanted to be with Blaine and he made it hard for me to leave him. After the day we talked with Rachel and Finn we met each other everyday and sometimes he slept at my place or I at his. Outside our apartments we behaved like before. I was the wedding planner and he was the future husband of my friend. Inside our rooms, hidden by the walls we were gentle to each other, talking, cooking together and having sex whenever we could. I loved his body on mine, I loved feeling his hands holing me on my hips, around my waist, my head or just his arms around me. And I loved to hold him too, do the same things to him he did to me. I just really enjoyed it being close to Blaine. My body became so relaxed, my mind stopped thinking and I was drowning in this incredible warm feeling. I felt safe, I felt loved and suddenly everything made sense and was so easy. Unless Blaine was not with me, then everything was just a mess.

* * *

I was sitting in my office when Rachel knocked against my door and came inside, with an unsure expression on her face. The moment I saw her I prayed to whoever would hear me that she didn't do something with Finn while everybody else was around. I knew Santana would be furious and not shut her mouth. She would have made sure that everyone knew what she saw and what it meant for the wedding. Well, probably she would be visiting me and tell me about it first. Mercedes for sure had done that.

"Do you have a minute or two for me?"

"Sure," I said as I closed my file and put it aside. Her brown eyes looked at me with so much guilt that I wondered if she was only playing it or not. Rachel Berry was a good actress, I witnessed it and although things were clear I was still mad at her for playing that game with me. Lying at me, making me feel like a bad person because she didn't tell me about the truth. This wasn't even about Blaine or that she knew he had a crush on me. This was simply about our friendship. Usually she trusted me, told me almost everything and something like this, this wedding, this plan of helping someone out of trouble... I wondered if she really trusted me.

"I guess you are angry, right?"

Oh, yeah, of course.

"But look, I helped you and Blaine to come closer. Just think about it. I gave him your number, was gone for a while, you where in central park, had dinner together and then the dancing hour."

The... fuck?

"Rachel, seriously... you consider this as bringing us closer?"

"Well of course. After Peter you closed yourself up and when Blaine told me he likes you I thought you would be perfect for each other."

On one hand this was actually nice from her. But... I was no little teenage boy who needed help in his love life. If Blaine liked me from the start he should have told me so and he did... although his ways of showing me that he liked me were irritating and strange.

"Rachel, we are no longer high school kids, okay? Also if you had been honest with me from the start I wouldn't be so mad with you. You made me feel like a bad person because I did things with Blaine I shouldn't have done."

"Kurt... I couldn't tell you the real reason. You don't know his ex and what he is capable of."

"Blaine already warned me, thank you very much. And thank you for your trust."

As if I would be the one, running around and telling the world what Blaine's plan was, why they wanted to get married. As if I would put my friends into any trouble. It hurt that she probably thought that way and it hurt me more than it made me angry.

"I trust you Kurt, but I promised Blaine I wouldn't tell anyone about that," she sighed and again her eyes were apologetic.

"Look, Rachel. It's not only about that you didn't tell me about it because you know what I think about marriage. It's more. You were there, you saw what Peter did and how much it hurt me. And then you try to bring Blaine and me closer but still you both want to get married and this for two years? Do you think I want to be in a secret relationship for two years? If I decide to do that?"

Her body went rigid, her eyes grew wide. Yeah, exactly this and that she only realized it now told me, that she wasn't really thinking about what she was doing. Perhaps she thought it would be awesome to help me, bring us together and see us happy for a while. In the end though it would lead me and Blaine into pain, desperation and sadness.

"I... I never thought about that."

"Yeah, I see that."

And then her eyes became watery, her lips trembling and I couldn't stand it. Seeing a person cry or sad was something I didn't like no matter who it was. Who was I kidding? I knew she only wanted to help, I knew she only followed her heart and wanted to make us happy. Still, it didn't change anything. There was no way Blaine and I would be happy for a long time. Sooner or later one of us would break apart. With a deep sigh I stood up as Rachel began to sob and walked to her, wrapping my arms around her.

"I know you meant it well."

"I'm sorry," she cried and clung to my clothes: "I just saw how perfect you two would be together."

Maybe we were... no, we definitely were if the circumstances were different. Blaine had his bar, his side job as a model and maybe he could give this all up and become the journalist he wanted to be. He didn't have to play this game, pretend to be someone and this for – when it was done – three years just to please some asshole of a ex.

"It's okay," I tried to calm her down. How could she be fine with that? How could Finn agree on that? How could they all just accept it and move on? I couldn't.

* * *

There were only eight days left and then Blaine and Rachel would get married and I still tried to figure something out to stop this wedding. Of course I knew the consequences, I knew what his ex could do and I was no one compared to Blaine's family. They could ruin me, they would be ruined by Cyrus and I knew, if they wouldn't get married our life would be hell. No matter which way I choose each of them ended with us being in pain. However, I was a Hummel and my dad always said no one is pushing us around so I really wanted to fight and do something against Blaine's ex. Bowing down because someone might ruin your life is only a sign for weakness for the other person and who said Cyrus would stop his insane behavior even if Blaine got married to Rachel? No one could say that. There was only one thing clear for me, I wanted to be with Blaine despite everything that told me I shouldn't. Well, love and logic didn't belong together always.

I climbed out of my car when I arrived at the Anderson fashion house and walked inside. Today I had a meeting with Blaine to see his suit and the things they changed. Santana took care of the bridesmaids – because she was one of those – and also at Rachel's wedding dress. I really didn't want to meet her before the wedding I was still so mad at her.

While I walked through the hall and took the elevator to Blaine's office I fixed my tie, took on last look at my hair and whole presence in the mirror and walked outside when I reached the 4th floor.

Actually we wanted to meet at his apartment but we both knew this wouldn't end up with us preparing the last points for the wedding or checking his suit. No, we would end up fucking or cuddling or something else.

"You can't do this Blaine!"

Mr. Anderson yelled behind the door to Blaine's office and I stood still, staring at the door before I even got the chance to knock against the dark wood.

"We can figure something out, dad. We can go to a lawyer or something. There must be another way."

"There is no other way. We signed this contract and that's it. And you marrying Rachel is our way out of this mess to keep the family business in our family."

They said nothing for a while and I hesitated to go away or stay because – damn – I wanted to hear more but at the same time it was none of my business to hear what they were talking about.

"Think about it Blaine. Two years are nothing and then you can do whatever you want."

Again Blaine said nothing and then I heard footsteps and quickly walked away, hiding behind a wall and hearing the door going open, closed and then how his father went down the corridor. I breathed in and out, two times and then I went back to Blaine's office unsure what I would see there or how Blaine would look like. But one thing was pretty clear for me, he said something that made his dad upset. Maybe he wanted not to marry her anymore? Maybe he made up his mind? For... me?

Yeah, as if.

I shook my head, knocked against his door and opened it as he called me in. I opened the door, peeked inside and saw him standing in front of his desk and placing his mug down and turning around. The second he saw me a huge grin stretched over his face and I smiled back. God, how could I not when this handsome, gorgeous man was smiling because of me.

He walked up to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and held me close, almost too strong.

"Everything okay?"

He hummed against my neck and nodded: "Now, yes," and then he pulled back and placed a sweet long kiss on my lips. Damn those lips! They always made me weak and forget everything for a while but him.

"How was your day so far?"

"Not too bad."

I wanted to tell him about Rachel, about the things that went through my head and made me worried. All the things that hurt me and told me to not go any further with him. I fell for him more and more, I felt how this crush, this need for him turned into love and I knew it was a pointless love.

"So.. the suit?"

"Yeah... the suit," he mumbled, his smile disappeared and his shoulders fell. Blaine's office was almost lifeless. Just a desk, two armchairs, a bookshelf and a closet which Blaine opened and took out the suit. It was nothing special, nothing chosen by heart just a simple black suit, white shirt and black tie made by the Anderson fashion line.

"You haven't changed anything?" I asked as my eyes went up and down.

"Not really. I want to add a red rose to the breast pocket and that's it," he answered and waited for me to nod or say something so he could put it back into the closet.

"Yeah I think this will work."

"Good."

I watched him walking back to the closet, saw his expressionless face, his tired body language and noticed how much he didn't care about this wedding. Even less than days ago.

"Blaine... I think we should talk."

Oh god, I really didn't feel like I was in the right position yet. What was wrong with me? We were... together for almost a months and I wanted him to stop everything, this wedding, this hiding just so he would be available for me? All the time without pretending something?

He turned around while nodding and his big honey eyes were staring to the floor and god damn it!

"What do you want for... dinner," I said quickly and made him smile again, his eyes sparkling. God, no... he was just fighting with his dad and now I wanted to talk with him about the wedding too? And tell him I didn't want to be with him until he was completely free? No, not now, he looked like a kicked puppy and I couldn't bring myself to do such a thing now.

"Mmmmh," he hummed, his arms back around my body and his lips on mine: "As long as I have you as dessert I don't care."

I rolled my eyes as he chuckled and kissed him back when I felt his lips back on mine. Slowly he was pushing me back, down to the armchair and held my face for a while. Oh sweet Jesus, he could make me horny within seconds and make me want things at the wrong time and place. Ha, yeah I wasn't the only one feeling like that. With a pleased smile he pulled back, went to the door and locked it.

He came back to me, still smiling and began to kiss me again. My hands were placed on the back of his head, pulling him closer and I opened my mouth as I felt his tongue against my lips. We breathed through our noses, made small whimpering sounds and his hand ran down from my neck, over my chest and to my pants. Instinctively I moved into his touch, feeling my cock hardening and then he opened my pants, slit down to his knees and began to stroke me gently. Oh fuck, sometimes I dreamed about office sex but I never really thought it would happen to me. In my office there were always people, impossible to do something like that. But here... holy shit his eyes looking at me, hungry, this damn smirk on his face and then I felt his lips around the head of my cock. Holy fucking shit, this was happening. I leaned my head back, keeping my mouth shut to not just moan loudly or groan in pleasure while Blaine bobbed his head up and down. It was so hot, his tongue so good around my dick and the little sounds he made ran through my body.

"Shit..." I whispered and bit on my knuckles while my other hand ran through his hair and pressed him down when he took me all the way in. There I was getting one of those incredible blowjobs only Blaine Anderson could give. Hard as a rock he began to move my hips with his movements, feeling the familiar swirling feeling in my abdomen and also Blaine felt how close I was so he began to move faster, sucking harder and I lost it. With a silent cry I came in his mouth, feeling how eager he was to swallow it all.

"Oh god..." exhaling I felt how my dizzy mind became slowly clear again and opened my eyes just to see his pleased face, his dark eyes and his hands running through my hair, wiping the cold sweat away.

"What... what about you?"  
"What about me?" he chuckled, kissed my lips and – fuck – I could taste myself.

"Aren't you... needing release?" I asked breathy as he tucked me back into my pants.

"You can thank me later," he whispered and kissed my cheek. Oh god, be more adorable, let me love you more you idiot was all I thought.

* * *

It was the day before the wedding. Friday, the day I usually went to Blaine's place and watched some movies with him. This time however I would meet with him to work on his vow or at least listen to his vow he wrote for Rachel. I should be the one saying if it sounded believable, if it was right, not too much but enough. I really didn't want to do this. Listening to a vow, a fake vow, basically a lie from the person I wanted to be with and knew he was probably the one I wanted to spent the rest of my life with hurt. It hurt so deep and so much I emptied half of a bottle with wine. Well, not even the alcohol wanted to support me. My mind was clear not even a but dizzy, nothing and I groaned annoyed with myself.

With trembling fingers I stared on the display of my phone and thought about to call Finn or not and ask him what he was thinking and how he was dealing with this. We never talked again about the night I finally got to know why this wedding was happening. How could we? There was always someone around us like Santana or Mercedes who had no idea about Blaine and his problem. Actually I always figured things out alone and also I wanted to figure this out by myself. It was just that it wasn't only about me and Blaine. It was also about Rachel and my stepbrother and I wondered what Finn and Rachel agreed on because, obviously, they didn't want to break up or anything and Finn was the only one I could talk about this if I didn't count Blaine in.

With a huff I called him and waited until he picked up.

"Hey Kurt!"

"Hey..." and there they went, all the words I wanted to say.

"Did I forget something?"

"No... no Finn. I just... need to ask you something."

"Okay?"

I rubbed my eyes, bit my lower lip and exhaled before I spoke: "How do you... deal with this? With this wedding?"

"Um, well... I know Rachel is only helping Blaine and after two years we'll be back together."

"Yeah but... don't you think this isn't the right way? Bowing down and do what others say?"

Finn was quiet for a while, thinking.

"Well, I would fight against this dude Clyus."

"Cyrus."

"Yeah, Cyrus. But you know this is some huge stuff and I really think they should decide what to do and what not. I only know that Rachel loves me and that she'll be with me whenever she can. I trust her and think, that she wants to help him so... I think it's a good thing."

The difference here clearly was that Rachel loved Finn and he loved her. They were together for years now, they knew each other and they were ready to get married, have a family and spent the rest of their lives together. They had this connection Blaine and I didn't have. They loved each other and I... I knew I loved him but maybe, in some months I or he would see how wrong we were.

"Are you and Blaine okay?"

"Yeah... yeah. Get some sleep, tomorrow will be a long day."

For the first time ever I didn't want to go to a wedding I have planned. I didn't want to see the guest, Rachel in a white dress, walking up to Blaine and giving each other fake promises. For the first time I really wanted to just drop everything and go somewhere. Maybe I could visit my dad for a while. I haven't seen him or Carole for a long time and sure, he would be surprised and know that something was up. But it was still better than being here and let my heart get broken. I stared at my table, thinking and thinking and maybe... maybe I should try to talk with Blaine first before I do such a thing. I had a responsibility and before I could just leave I had to call Mercedes and Santana and give them all the stuff that needed to be done, the other jobs we had and everything that I had to do someone else would have to finish. All these thoughts made me feel such a discomfort I haven't felt like that for years.

As I heard the knocking against my door I knew it could only be Blaine and also that this was my last chance to tell him what I was thinking, what I thought he could do... what I wanted. I wouldn't push him or force him I only wanted to let him know how I thought and felt about that. Eventually he had to decide what to do and then I would make my decision.

"Hey," he smiled at me as I opened the door and let him inside. We shared a brief kiss, went to the living room, while the warm light of the sunset shined through my window.

"You were drinking? Everything okay?" he asked when he saw the bottle of wine on my coffee table and I cursed myself for not hiding it.

"Not... really. But let's work on your vow first, okay?"

With a small nod he sat down, pulling a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and unfolded it.

"You want some wine?"

"Sure."

I went back to the kitchen, taking a wineglass and walked back to Blaine, sitting down and pouring some wine in our glasses. Step by step, I kept on telling myself in my head.

"Here," he handed me the note and I only shook my head.

"Read it to me. I need to hear it and tell you if it sounds believable."

Blaine swallowed, stared at me for a while and then focused on the words he'd written down. It was really strange, still so strange to see him like this. Not this ball of nerves, running around and trying to get on my nerves, or what I knew now, to impress me and show me that he liked me. Now he was only the handsome Blaine Anderson who liked to cuddle, say stupid things or dirty things but always be gentle, always nice, always prince charming. But weak, so weak and scared of a guy that could not only ruin his life but also mine.

I took my glass, enjoyed a sip – damn I really needed it – and waited for him to begin.

"Rachel, the first time I saw you I truly understood what it means to fall in love and imagine a life with someone else. People keep talking about love at first sight and I never believed in something like this. But now even I witnessed it and understood more than in my entire life. I see the colors people talk about when they talk about love. I see the beautiful things in the world. I understand how special life is when you can share it with someone you truly love. I understand why people make these promises, why they decide to get married to this special person. I understand what it means to be alive for the first time ever. And now it's my turn to promise you this, to be loyal, to be at your side no matter what, to make you feel alive and loved. And I promise to be forever grateful for what you give me with one single look from you."

My eyes were stuck on his face which never left the notes. My hand held the glass to strong and my breath just stopped as I heard his voice. I... didn't expect this and it... surprised me, like really. It was like I could take a deep look into his soul, although each word wasn't true but it no one would think this all was a lie. Of course not. Not one person would guess that this vow was just a joke if they didn't know why they got married anyway. And he wanted to say all this to her, all these words someone else should hear. Someone he really wanted to marry.

"I.. actually this is... about you," he stammered like a nervous child and slowly looked into my eyes. About me? He... wrote those words for me? Slowly my heart began to beat faster, making it hard to breath and my eyes were burning. Why? Why did he those things to me? Why couldn't it be easy for us? For me?

"This happened to me when I saw you in the restaurant... and... the closer we got the more I understood what was happening with my heart."

I put the glass back on the table, stood up and walked around the room, wiping my eyes. Oh fuck no! I wouldn't cry in front of him now and show him how much it hurt me and how much I wished this was true. It was stupid, so stupid to feel like this after only a month. It was stupid and immature to give everything for a guy I couldn't have for two years.

"Kurt," I heard him behind me as I leaned against to counter in the kitchen. His arms were on my shoulders, his lips so close to my neck and I let him turn me around so we could look at each other. My cheeks were red, my eyes watery and somehow I stopped my tears from falling.

"What happened?"

He really asked what happened? He really was so clueless? I couldn't... I just couldn't hold it back anymore.

"This wedding, Blaine. This is what is about to happen."

"Is this about your believe in marriage?"

"No. Not only. It's about everything. You know, honestly, we shouldn't have started this in the first place. Look at us now. We were doing this for a month now, knowing that you would marry her anyway and now what? You think I can act like this for two more years? Hiding in rooms just for the sake to be with you?"

His eyes were wide, his hands left my body and he tilted his head to the side, watching me like he didn't understand what I was saying.

"I can't do this, Blaine. I don't want to live in a fake relationship because that's what it is for me even if we know the truth. I want to go out with you, hold your hand when we walk down the streets. I want to do all the things other couples do in public. But we can't. We can't do it because of your asshole of a ex fiance."

"Kurt... this isn't easy for me neither. But I have no choice. This is for the best for all of us."

"All of us?" I almost scoffed and walked through the room, rubbing my forehead: "Sorry to say it, but it's not the best for me. I won't run after something I can't have, again."

Blaine only stood there where I left him and his expression changed. He wasn't confused anymore or trying to figure something out. No, he looked at me like a new thought just crossed his mind.

"What happened?"

"Blaine do you even listen to what..."

"No. I mean what happened in the past? Why did you say you won't run after someone again."

Oh... this. I never told him about Peter, about that we wanted to get married in the boathouse. About how long we were together, the proposal, the time being engaged until we... I broke up with him.

"Someone hurt me, okay? That's all. Someone thought it would be fucking great to play a game with me and hurt me."

"Kurt, I'm not playing with you. I want to be with you and I know we can make it through the two years."

Hell no, I wouldn't sit there like a loyal idiot and wait for him. In those two years I could do more, meet new people, maybe someone else and finally go on that Europe trip I wanted to do. Blaine couldn't follow me because this would be suspicious as fuck when he wasn't around his wife from time to time.

"Why don't you just fight against him? There must be something a lawyer can do or not?"

"You don't know him, Kurt. I wasn't kidding when I said he can ruin everything."

I felt the tears coming back, my anger growing and especially the desperation. How could he give up so easily? How could he not just try to work against him? If I was so important to him, if he really meant everything he said why didn't he act on his words?

"I want all those things too, Kurt. I want to go out with you, show the world that I'm with you. But I can't. Not now."

"And I can't be with someone together who can't stand up for me or himself!"

Blaine stood stock still, eyes wide and staring at me while I felt how a huge relieve ran through my body and I could finally breath for the first time since I knew what was going on.

"There is always a way out, Blaine. Always. But you are just too scared to even try it. I would go with you, I would help you through this. But you decide to bow down and let this asshole rule your life."

His honey eyes were glassy, his hands turning into fists and he opened his mouth but closed it again. I knew it wasn't fair saying this. I knew it hurt. But this past days hurt more compared to this and I knew we would hurt each other more and more.

"I try to protect you and my family! I try, okay!? But you don't see it!"

And with this he walked away, fast, opening the door and leaving my apartment.


End file.
